NOOR INAYAT KHAN

Noor Inayat Khan

(click on her name 👆)

Noor-un-Nisa Inayat Khan (Urdu: نور عنایت خان‎‎, 2 January 1914 – 13 September 1944) was a British heroine of World War II renowned for her service in the Special Operations Executive.^[1]

She also went by the name Nora Baker and was a published author^[2] of Indian and American descent who was posthumously awarded the George Cross for her service in the SOE, the highest civilian decoration in the UK.^[1] As an SOE agent she became the first female wireless operator to be sent from Britain into occupied France to aid the French Resistance during World War II, and was Britain's first Muslim war heroine.^[1]

Father and Sons

FASTING

Ibu sibuk di dapur.

' Faim, what would you like to drink?', tanya Ibu.
 ' Anything would be fine, Ibu', jawab Faim senang.
'Ayah?', tanya Ibu menoleh kepada aku.

Aku pandang kepada makanan atas meja dan pinggan mangkuk kotor dalam sink.
'Takpa, air putih je dulu. Nanti, I drink the juice', jawab aku.

Begitulah rutin seharian. Berpuasa di sini sangat la berbeza. Siangnya sangat panjang. Pukul dua pagi dah kena berhenti sahur. Buka puasa dekat-dekat pukul 9 malam.

Aku risau samada Faim dapat menunaikan puasa penuh. Dengan tempoh puasa yang sebegitu ditambah dengan cuaca yang semakin panas dan sangat kering, aku risau kalau dia terjejas kesihatannya. Bagi aku sendiri, rasanya memang paling mencabar tahun ini. Mungkin sebab-sebab di atas atau mungkin saja sebab aku semakin berumur. Entahlah.

Tapi dalam semua keluhan aku, Ibu tampak biasa je. Tabah. Selain melayan kerenah kami, Ibu juga ada banyak benda lain nak urus. Sempat jugak dia curi masa buat kueh-kueh raya. Yang simple-simple aja, kata Ibu tanpa hilang senyum.

Tapi aku tau, Ibu juga penuh kerinduan untuk berbuka puasa dengan dua lagi anak bujangnya. Mereka sudah besar dan mengurus sendiri hidup berpuasa dengan atuk dan nenek di Cheras. Aku pon tak berapa tau samada mereka mengurus dengan baik atau lebih banyak mengharap kepada nenek. Tapi aku tau, bahawa kadang sewaktu aku sedang terbongkang tidur di waktu pagi atau petang, Ibu akan skype atau video call dengan adik dan bertanya tentang hari hari mereka di bulan puasa. Aku tau sebab bila kadang-kadang aku bertanya tentang mereka, Ibu sedia dengan jawapan-jawapan terkini.

'Ayah, it's time already. Ibu come sit down', Faim memanggil dan memberitahu sudah masuk waktu untuk berbuka. Kami pon duduk dan Faim membaca doa berbuka puasa sebelum kami meneguk air minum dan menjamah juadah simple yang ibu sediakan. Tiada suara azan berkumandang. Tiada bunyi kentung dipalu dan tiada bunyi meriam buluh berdentum. Hanya suara Faim memanggil kami duduk dan bacaan doa buka puasa.

Simple.

NIGHT TALK

It's getting very very late. This could be the third time that I had dozed off. Every time I fell asleep, I was nudged awake by Amin, who looked unhappy that I would sleep through such time. He focused his eyes back to the middle of the room. My eyes followed. I tried to listen to he conversation from the people at the table.

A few days ago, Amin asked me to accompany him to this place. Amin worked with Pak Rahim. More of a helper than an assistant. He was under instruction to look for a place for these people to talk in private far from the prying eyes and busy body ears. And, also to ask no questions beyond what was instructed.

Amin doesn't know who these people are. A simple man that he is, he just followed what was ordered. I know these people. Not really well but I can appreciate the need for secrecy. So, I agreed to follow Amin just so that I could see these men in front of my eyes.

 

PESAN ORANG TUA

WHO? WHAT? WHEN? WHY? HOW?

Unsolicited Advice for My Three Sons, In No Particular Order by Rufus Griscom

Dear boys,

Despite your brilliance and good judgment, you appear to have very little interest in my advice, either because you are too old for it (or you think you are, ZaimDeclan) or you are too young for it (but not for long, NaimGrey and FaimRye!). I, meanwhile, have a surplus of advice building up in me. I am like a lactating cow that needs to be pumped, or a pregnant sea turtle maybe. I need to get this advice out of me, and put it somewhere for safekeeping.

Be forewarned, not all of this is actually *good* advice … I am still learning and figuring things out. I am only 50 48, after all. Friends and members of the community here — feel free to add to this, embellish, and call me out.

With no further ado, the first installment of my partially-baked, unsolicited advice follows:

1. Begin conversations with people on airplanes when you hear “We have begun our descent.” If they prove to be fascinating, you will broaden your world; if they prove insufferable, it’s only 15 minutes.
2. Collect words the way other people collect stray cats, tropical birds, or Pokemon Cards. Words are pixels, they are units of thought; just as you can render more precise images with more pixels, you can communicate ideas more powerfully — and maybe even think more efficiently — with more words. This is why vocabulary is among the metrics most highly correlated with success. But don’t be pedantic — use big words sparingly, only when they are the perfect fit.
3. If you drink green tea without sugar 30 times, it will taste acrid and mouth-puckering the first 29 times, and on the 30th it will taste pretty good. This is true of everything … there is no activity or habit you can’t develop a taste for. So you may as well develop a taste for things (and people) that are good for you.
4. Habits are for lazy people. And you are lazy. We all are. Habits are shortcuts to getting a whole lot of things done without spending too much of your finite supply of willpower. So use em.
5. People don’t look bad in photos because they “aren’t photogenic”; they look bad in photos because they think they are better looking than they are. Don’t be one of these people. Embrace and own the degree to which you are funny looking. It gives you personality, and it will cause you to be pleasantly surprised by your reflection in the mirror now and then.
6. Use people’s names whenever possible. When you forget someone’s name, ask them again and blame your dad for passing on bad-memory-for-names genes. Names are a door handle to a person; that small little effort opens them up.
7. When it comes to hangovers, the problem isn’t mixing types of alcohol; its simply about how much you drink. That’s always been my hunch, and I just looked it up and it appears to be true. It’s extremely difficult to do accurate research with a sample size one (though I am still working on it :), and this results in a lot of inaccurate conventional wisdom.
8. Wear the same shirt every weekday. Find a shirt you like, and buy eight of them. It will simplify your morning, and communicates to the world that you are focused.
9. Wear funny shirts on the weekends. You know this about me, I like silly shirts. Shirts that express joy, and perhaps an element of self-parody. Seventies Givenchy. Mr. Bubble. The technicolored dream coat. Moods are contagious, and a mood can be sparked by a shirt. Humans, broadly speaking, take themselves far too seriously, and you, in your silly shirt, are an antidote.
10. Figure out what your strengths are and build on them, empowered with the knowledge that there is no such thing as a normal or even optimal brain type. I believe I have low level ADD — you may too. Attention deficit disorder is a misnomer — its a brain type that is inclined towards creativity, and selective deep focus, and I happen to love it.Neurodiversity is not an accident … there are a range of different brain types each of which confer advantages and disadvantages and contribute to society in complimentary ways.
11. If peanut butter could only be found in the placenta of a rare tropical bird, it would cost $1,000 per ounce. Sure, caviar tastes good, but so does peanut butter. People are irrationally attracted to that which is scarce, because scarce things function as status symbols. If you understand the elements of human behavior that are irrational and predictable, you are freed from them and can benefit from the insight.
12. Respect science. It’s not an ideology; it’s a system for limiting our crazy human inclinations towards bias and misperception, borne out of humility. Every time you get in a commercial airplane, you are betting your life on the scientific method. If a collection of science skeptics builds an airplane and offers you a ride, don’t get in.
13. When microwaving, hit 66 seconds, 99 seconds, or 2:22 rather than even numbers. Why? Because 60 seconds is no more likely to be an appropriate amount of time to heat a cup of tea than 55 or 66 seconds. They are all arbitrary time periods. And you save a couple seconds. More important than the time savings is the ability to think for yourself.
14. Mentors — even highly successful ones — are more accessible than you think they are. So seek them out. Identify the people who have climbed the mountains you want to climb before and cold call them. They are accessible because mentoring is a form of therapy; we can’t give advice to our younger selves (much to my dismay), so instead we give advice to younger people and it feels good.
15. Always give money to street musicians, even bad ones. (Well maybe not really bad ones.) The streets need more music.
16. When you are young, poverty = freedom; when you are older, if you have kids, money = freedom. It makes it possible to do things you used to take for granted like sleep, read the newspaper and see a little bit of the world. I am not saying money should drive your career decisions, quite the contrary, it’s not what matters in life. But it’s good to understand that your relationship to it will change.
17. Small negotiations are practice for big ones, so engage in small daily negotiations as a form of learning. Almost everything is negotiable … I had heard this but didn’t believe it was true until I met your Mom :). You have succeeded when the person with whom you are negotiating feels pleasantly surprised by their capacity for generosity. You win not when you get the best price, but when you do so while building a strong relationship.
18. When you are at Starbucks, ask for a small coffee in a medium cup. They will over-pour, and you will end up with just enough room for milk. And save 50 cents. This is a little hack; the world is full of them.
19. Always tell the truth. Not because it’s written on a stone tablet, but because it’s a better practice. I used to occasionally find myself bending the truth, but I decided to stop about twenty years ago for four reasons: humans have highly evolved abilities to detect dishonesty, even when they don’t understand how; sharing vulnerability and imperfection connects you to people; the truth is generally good for people even if it’s hard to say; and as it turns out, it’s less work— if you always tell the truth it’s easier to remember what you have said.
20. Lead with your weaknesses. Make fun of yourself. Not compulsively — this reads as insecurity — but in an honest, playful, friendly way. This makes people comfortable, creates trust, and counter-intuitively, it comes across as confidence.
21. Community, broadly defined to include all relationships with other people, is everything. It’s not 60% of happiness, it’s 99%. Everything you think is important — success, building things, writing novels, gaining status — is important only insofar as it nourishes your current and future possible relationships.
22. Failure — whether it’s a failed jump shot, a failed relationship, a bankrupt company, or a scoop of ice cream falling off the cone — is a data point. Aspire to love data the way a father loves his sometimes obstreperous three boys: because of, not in spite of, imperfections.
23. If at all possible, have kids. Children are extraordinary and infuriating, and among the most powerful human experiences available to us. Kids are a front row seat to the most extraordinary of spectacles: the unfurling of a human life. Mommy and I are so lucky to have you boys … we are grateful every day. Having your own kids is also a good way to rediscover humility when you think you’ve figured it all out. And humility opens us up to powerful new experiences and relationships. Don’t have them too soon, or too late, and don’t underestimate the challenge, but for gosh sake have em, if you can.

13 YEARS

Yes, It has been around that long. It has seen it good days. Now, it is languishing in that area between time and a dimension that has yet to be discovered by scientists of various fields.

The kids are all grown up. Abang is back in Malaysia, pursuing his last semester at Monash, far away from Carleton where he spent four years. Adik is into his second semester at Taylor's U. He is pursuing his study in Mass Comm there. Both are staying with Atuk and Nenek, keeping them company. The two cats, Chitty and Snowy are their two companions.

Baby Faim is here with us. Beginning his high school years here without the constant teasing of Adik. Making new friends and also the best companion for Ibu. Me, still the same although now I have more time for Ibu at home. Hope she is happier to see my face more often and my constant nagging for some kind of delicious food only available back home in Malaysia.

I guess things are going OK at the moment. I am watching my diet as I must per the doctor's advice. It has been three and a half year since. Am not out of the woods yet but am thanking God for every single morning that I could wake up and see the sunshine. And, keep on praying in the middle of the night when He decided to remind me and nudged me from the bed.

Well, there's not much to say any more, I guess. Except for the very few attempts to remain creative, I can't seem to have that discipline to write diligently as before.

Hmmm... maybe I can ask Adik to write here instead... OK, I'll go ask him!

Till then, bye for now.

Kebangsaan

NASIONALISME

Kawan
masihkah kita
bersama kuyup
dalam reribuan jatuhan butiran hujan

Kitakah
bertuli telinga
dalam dentuman guruh yang gagah
petir bertempik perkasa

Kitakah
memohon perlindungan dari Nya
di tengah silihan ganti
kilat yang meyabung

Kawan
masih aku si bongok
mencacak tegak berdiri
melaung kembali ke langit

ALEXI

Tubuh Alexandra terbaring kaku.

Darah berlumuran memerah pakaian jururawat yang ditubuhnya. Aku campak raifel Arisaka yang sudah kehabisan peluru dan kepanasan ditanganku. Segera aku merangkul tubuh Alexi yang masih bernapas perlahan.

' Alexi ini aku. Bagaimana kau?', cepat aku bertanya sambil cuba menahan darah yang telah lama mengalir.

' oh... Johan, benar kah engkau? Kau lambat lagi, Seperti biasa ', ujar Alexi sambil cuba membuka mata dengan sangat sukar sekali.

Itu cerita hidup ku. Tapi aku akan sentiasa ada.

Alexi batuk. Aku tau dia akan pergi meninggalkan aku.

' Bertahan la. Biar aku bawak kau mendapat rawatan', kata ku perlahan kepada Alexi. Sangat ironik kerana kami memang sedang di dalam hospital sebenarnya.

' Tidak mengapa. Aku rasa tidak perlu lagi. Kau harus pergi sebelum mereka datang lagi. '.

' Johan...' , Alexi memanggil halus.

Aku terdiam menunggu.

 ' John tiada denganku. Aku sudah beri kepada Uncle Maurice untuk dibawa ke Darwin ', Alexi memaklum kepada aku. Dia tahu aku ingin mengetahui.

' Kau sepatut ke Darwin dengan John ', jawab aku.

' Ya tetapi Ismail adik kau ada di sini. Dia sudah naik ke Bukit semula waktu aku sampai. Macam kau, dia degil. Ingin terus berjuang walaupun penuh luka-luka', Alexi memberitahu.
' Jadi aku jangka kau pon ada berdekatan sini', tambah Alexi lagi.

' Aku baru turun dari sana juga. Bukit itu berkeliaran dengan anak buah Mutaguchi ', jawab aku tanpa perlu bercerita lebih panjang.

' Johan aku mahu kau berjanji. Kau cari John dan jaga dia dengan sepenuh hati. Tunjukkan dia tempat kelahirannya. Timbulkan kasih sayangnya kepada tanah air ini. Dan bisikkan selalu bahawa ibunya sangat sangat menyayangi dan akan sentiasa merindui dia. Boleh Johan?' , Alexi meminta aku berjanji.

' Jangan berkata begitu. Kau akan pulih. Aku akan bawa kau berjumpa dia. Mari... ', aku cuba membujuk.

' Kau tak pandai berbohong Johan. Kau selalu lambat dan kau paling tidak pandai berbohong. Tapi kau mempunyai senyuman yang sangat menawan. Senyum pada aku Johan. Sebelum aku mati di sini. Di tanah kelahiran aku. ', lemah sekali suara Alexi.

Aku cuba senyum. Tapi mulutku terasa pahit. ' Aku berjanji ', jawab aku.

Alexi senyum memandangku. Dan terus menghembus napas terakhir.    

BEING A FATHER

I think I am a good enough father. Not the best. But, that's what I think and that's what I believe to be true. I have no shame in admitting it. I don't aim to be an excellent father but I do want to make sure that I have done the best that I possibly can to raise them as I deem fit.

' Ayah, you are not the best father yet ', Faim beritahu aku dengan selamba semasa kami bermain karom ujung minggu yang lalu.
' Oh, I know that. It's ok but I will keep on trying ', jawab aku endah tak endah.
' You will have to be more like ... err ...um ', Faim cuba menambah tergagap-gagap.
' Like what... like father Christmas? ', aku mendongak dan pintas cakap Faim.
' Yea.. hihihi ', Faim tersipu-sipu.
' And how can I be like that? You want me to wear Santa Claus costume everyday. or the pilgrims ', aku mula mengesyak sesuatu dari Faim.
' Err.. no need. No need ', Faim mengeleng-geleng kepala dan mengoyang tangan. Muka dia tersengeh.
' How?', aku nak tengok ke mana Faim cuba membawa dialog ini.
' Well, in the spirit of thanksgiving.. maybe you can consider buying me this game online.. maybe? ', Faim menambah dialog tanpa merenung kepada aku. Seolah soalan pertanyaan itu tidak penting.
'  Yea.. maybe ', kata aku terjerat.

AKU DAN IKAN

Semalam aku berjumpa
se ekor ikan di sungai tenang
berenang bebas di lubuk sepi
riang tertawa sangat gembira
menyapa aku dengan siraman air
memercik ke muka membuka mata

melihat aku ikan bertanya
tuan di sini mencari apa
ikan yang ada hanya sahaya
ikan lain sudah pergi
ke laut luas mencari hidup
tanpa pamitan tanpa salam

Ini tempat aku kan bahagia
walau hanya terkadang dibanting ke batu
walau mungkin sesekali dihumban ke dasar
aku tak mengapa
kerana aku tahu di laut sana
airnya masin penuh gelora

ACIK

Kepada Faim, Abang Naim ialah Acik sebab dia abang kecik dan Zaim tu abang besar dia. Kepada Zaim pula, Naim ialah Adik sebab Naim la satu-satunya adik dia selama 6 tahun hingga Faim lahir. Jadi di rumah ini si Naim ni ada tiga nama berasingan, Naim, Acik dan Adik. Ditambah pula nama gelaran kesukaan di sekolah yang kadang kala bila kawan-kawan dia sebut aku pon tak kenal itu nama dia.

Diam tak diam, Naim sudah mengakhiri zaman persekolahannya. Usia dia dah menjangkau 18 tahun. Kami sekarang sedang sibuk mengatur fasa seterus kehidupan beliau. IsyaAllah, bulan Ogos ni dia akan melangkah ke alam pendidikan tinggi mengikut bidang yang dia gemari dan yang kami pon tidaklah terlalu gusar.

Tapi kalau dulu Abang perlu meninggalkan kami apabila menyambung pelajaran di luar negeri, Kali ini, Aku, Ibu dan Faim pula yang akan berhijrah sementara Adik menyambung pendidikan di tanah

air dan tinggal bersama Atuk dan Nenek. Tapi Adik juga akan ditemani oleh Abang yang akan pulang menyambung penggal terakhir pendidikan di Malaysia setelah bergelut empat tahun di negara sejuk membeku.

Aku tahu masa seperti ini akan tetap sampai. Dan dari semenjak kecil aku dan Ibu selalu bercerita dan bersiap untuk menghadapi. Acik lebih lembut peribadi dan emosi nya dan lebih mudah terkesan atas sesuatu. Kami punya keyakinan berubah-ubah kalau dia boleh mengurus diri tanpa kami di sisi. Berbeza dengan Abang yang mempamer ketegasan dan keberanian dalam menghadapi sesuatu masalah. Alhamdulilah, kini bila ketikanya semakin mendekat, aku dan Ibu yakin bahawa Acik boleh mengurus diri dengan cara dan gayanya sendiri. Pandai membawa diri.

Dan, Abang bolehlah memberi petunjuk sesuai dengan nama yang kami beri sewaktu lahir sebagai pemimpin.

LET ME TELL YOU A STORY

Aku sampai ke rumah Jumaat lepas seperti biasa sewaktu Faim sudah mula proses untuk tidor. Memandangkan dah agak lama aku tidak berkesempatan berbual dengan anak aku yang dah hampir menjangkau 12 tahun ini, aku pon cepat-cepat masuk ke bilik Faim.

' Are you going to sleep already, Faim?', tanya aku.
' Nope. I am going to tanam padi', jawab Faim meniru gaya Ibu menjawab bila aku selalu sangat tanya Ibu sedang buat apa selalu.

' Óh.. You are copying Ibu now ya', aku mengusik.
' Hehehe.. I'm just teasing you, Ayah. Yea I am tired but cannot sleep yet', jawab Faim.
' Let me tell you a story, so you will fall asleep easier', aku kata kepada Faim. Aku terus berbaring sebelah Faim.

Dulu masa Faim masih kecil memang aku rajin bercerita kepada dia sebelum dia tidor. Kadang aku cerita untuk kedua-dua Acik dan Faim sekali masa mereka masih lagi berkongsi bilik. Sekarang Acik dah tido di bilik sendiri. Bilik Abang yang lama.

'No, Ayah. Let me tell you a story', Faim menawarkan kepada aku pula.
' OK', jawab aku sambil berfikir. This could be fun.

Faim pon berpaling mengadap aku dan mula membuka cerita,'Once upon a time, a boy is trying to sleep but his dad came and ask to tell the boy a bedtime story. But, the boy is so tired so he asked to tell his dad a story instead...''

'Hey, what kind of story is this', aku memotong cerita Faim. Anak 12 tahun aku ni memang sangat nakal dengan idea.

Faim tidak menjawab cuma tergelak kecil,' hihihihi'.
Aku pon tergelak sama,'hehehehe'.
'Hehehehe'sana, 'hihihi sini'... sedar sedar bilik dah gelap dan jam Garmin aku menunjuk pukul 2.30 pagi. Aku terlelap rupanya masa tergelak-gelak dengan Faim. Aku pon bangun dan pergi ke bilik air. Aku belum solat isya lagi.

THE BIG 12

This year the blog is 12. And so is Faim. The little Baby that grows up with it. 

The blog was truthfully inspired by Abang. He was the one with the wise words. Age 10 at that time. He was the inspiration and the motivation. Then Adik became the and later Baby Faim. Now, my interactions with them has become lesser as they pursue their own interests. Mostly their laptops and the smart phones. 

Nothing much to say though. Just praying that everything would be fine for this not so little anymore family of mine.

MEI LING

Aku memandang muka Mei Ling. Dia tunduk seketika. Dia mengambil sapu tangankecil dan mengesat matanya yang sedikit berair.

‘Kau sungguh nak balik ke Muar?’, aku ulang pertanyaan aku tadi bila melihat dia masih ragu untuk menjawab.

‘ Ya, pakcik aku nak pindah ke Singapura. Sudah tiada siapa nak menjaga Ibu-bapa aku selepas Abang aku lari masuk ke hutan’, jawab Mei Ling akhirnya. Aku masih ternampak sedikit keraguan pada raut mukanya.

Aku faham keputusan Mei Ling. Semenjak Abangnya lari ke hutan mengikut rakan-rakan pejuangnya, tiada siapa yang menjaga kedua ibu bapa dia di Ulu Muar. Sebagai anak yang bertanggung jawab, Mei Ling rasa perlu untuk pulang. Walaupun aku yakin keadaan tidak akan selamat bagi dia dan keluarga dalam masa seminggu dua. Jepun sudah mendekati Kuala Lumpur dan penyuluh-penyuluh British menjangka mereka akan menunjukan diri di Mersing line dalam kurang dari seminggu. Semua bala tentera British sudah berundur dan mula membuat benteng pertahanan si Sungai Muar.

‘Mei Ling, kau janji pada aku. Kau balik dan bawa ibu bapa kau ke sini. Ke Johor Baru. Kemudian kita usahakan untuk kau sertai Pakcik kau di Singapura. Kau tak selamat di sini. Lihat apa yang mereka dah buat di Nanking.’, aku tegas kepada Mei Ling. Aku nak dia setuju terus. Aku tenung wajahnya lagi. Masih ada keraguan.

‘Jangan risau. Aku akan minta sahabat-sahabat aku untuk mencari Abang kau dan beritahu tentang keluarga kau. Malah aku rasa mungkin dia lebih selamat dengan rakan-rakan itu’, aku cuba tambah keyakinan kepada Mei Ling.

Lama dia berdiam menunduk muka memikirkan semua yang aku sampaikan. Tak lama kemudian dia perlahan menganguk sambil mengangkat muka menantang mata aku.

‘ Bagaimana tentang Alexi? Kau tau dia di mana? Baik kah dia?’, Mei Ling tiba-tiba bertanya. 

‘Terakhir maklumat aku dapat dari rakan wartawan aku di Kuala Lumpur, Alexandra dan pasukan Palang Merahnya sudah mula berundur dengan tentera-tentera India ke selatan. Insha Allah, dalam sehari dua, aku yakin dia akan sampai ke sempadan Johor’, aku beritahu Mei Ling dan pada masa yang sama juga meyakinkan diri aku sendiri.

Mei Ling akhirnya bangun dan melepas tangan dari gengaman aku. 

DANCING IN THE DARK

Despite my really tired, totally exhausted condition, I forced Ibu to drive me to the Stadium to watch JDT game last Saturday. Ibu who has just arrived from picking up Faim from a friend's birthday party only had enough time to pray and a gulp of water.

'Don't worry I'll get you the usual burger from the Stadium', I said with full confidence.
Ibu just nodded and focussed on her driving while I directed her to our destination using Waze.

After not more than 30 minutes, the Waze informed us that 'you have reached your destination'.

I was confused. Something must be wrong.

Ibu quickly asked, 'why is the stadium dark, Ayah?'. Are you sure they are playing here?'.

I had to think fast. Quickly I checked FAM website. Several cars were slowing down and zipped by without stopping. Obviously as confused as we were.

Éh.. Ibu, they moved the venue to Selayang la. 'They are not playing here', I said quickly without raising my head.

Ibu laughed out very loud.

'Why are you laughing, Ibu', I asked slightly hurt.

'Well, I heard of Bruce Springsteen's Dancing in the Dark. But Playing Soccer in the Dark is totally brand new', Ibu answered.

I look out the window sheepishly and said, 'Let's just go'.

11 YEARS AND RUNNING

"That day, for no particular reason, I decided to go for a little run. So I ran to the end of the road. And when I got there, I thought maybe I'd run to the end of town ...."  

It has been 11 long years.

Alfaim the baby in Ibu's tummy when this blog was first conceived is now getting to be 11. He is still a baby to us though. Adik soon will be 16. Slogging through his study.In a year and a half he will complete his high school and then another phase of his life will open up. He will remain a delightful challenge to us. Abang is doing as well as he could in his study at Carlton. He is coming back for the Summer holidays this May. I need to ensure that this time I'll have more time for him.

Ibu is still the same. A little older and much wiser. I can always avail myself of her wise counsel. I thank her for her able running of the household. While I could focus on my things to do.

Last year remain a tough one for me. I am still in recovery phase. Physically, I don't feel much different than a year before although every kind soul keeps reminding me to take things easy, lower paced. Occasionally, things that are unseen would disturb me. That's when I start to worry others. I think I can manage that now, difficultly.

After I left the hospital, and after two months of taking things slow, I began on a quest to do Broga. I climbed whenever I had the opportunity, weekends, public holidays or even when I was on sick leave.  My target; 52 Sundays since two September ago. Last September I achieved just that. And then ventured on  a another  forward looking self motivating journey. I started entering running events. My target is to collect 12 silverware to probably signify 12 months or another one year of survival. I have collected 9 so far and have 3 more running to complete before I probably go on another similarly natured quest.

Early this year, I lost a friend and a mentor. Same illness.

Here's looking at another year of a fulfilling life...

" For no particular reason I just kept on going. I ran clear to the ocean. And when I got there, I figured, since I'd gone this far, I might as well turn around, just keep on going. "

~ Forrest Gump

Faim the Defense Lawyer.

Aku menuruni cerun mengekori Faim yang mendahului di hadapan. Sambil merentas halangan kami juga menyelit sedikit sebanyak bercerita. Satu ketika kami berhenti rehat kerana Faim mahu meneguk Gatorade.

'You got another speeding ticket, Ayah?', tanya Faim.
'Yea', jawab aku pendek. Mesti Ibu yang kepohkan kepada dia ni.
'You better pay Ayah, or I will have to defend you in court later ', sahut Faim pula.
'You need a lot of training and experience before you can be a lawyer. But yes, I would want you to defend me. Err.. How you are you going to defend me? You plead guilty, and I ll go to jail?', tanya aku sambil sedikit tersengeh kepada Faim.

'Well, I think I have a good defense for all your speeding', jawab Faim sambil menyerah kembali Gatorade ungu kepada aku.
'What is it?', tanya aku sambil menyambut dan menyimpan botol pada bag yang aku galas.

'Muscle spasm', jawab Faim selamba sambil berpaling meneruskan perjalanan.

Aku bangkit dan mengekori Faim sambil ketawa dalam hati.

Alexandra

Aku bergegas menuruni bukit menuju ke arah belakang. Lutut kanan aku yang merah berdarah melambatkan gerakan aku. Aku tidak peduli. Bukan sebab ia tidak menyakitkan, Tetapi luka dan cedera di lain-lain bahagian badan membuat aku tidak memperdulikan.

Jauh di sebelah kanan, berkepul-kepul asap dari loji  Normanton yang terbakar meluru dan menutup pemandangan dan menyesakkan paru-paru. Tapi, aku tidak punya masa untuk meneliti itu semua. Aku harus segera sampai ke Alexandra.

Akhirnya aku sampai juga. Tapi aku sudah terlambat. Mereka sudah lebih awal tiba dari aku. Kedengaran suara-suara halus menjerit dalam kesakitan dan ketakutan, meminta tolong. Aku tak tau samada itu suara pesakit atau suara jururawat. Mungkin antaranya suara Alexandra.

'Alexi, di mana kau', aku bertanya dalam hati sambil mengagahkan langkah aku masuk dari ruangan tepi rumah sakit. Tangan aku memegang erat belati Kepten Rix. Darah masih mengalir deras dari kaki kanan ku meninggal jejak garisan merah.

Perlahan aku menolak daun pintu dan melangkah dengan sangat berhati-hati. Melihat ke dalam, aku tidak terkejut. Badan-badan yang kaku bergelimpangan dan berselerakan. Darah merah seolah tersimbah di serata penjuru. Hasil tangan anak buah Mutaguchi. Aku yakin.

Aku sentuh salah satu sosok yang tergelimpang. Suam-suam. Baru saja 45 mungkin. Aku putarkan kepalanya supaya matanya yang terjegil tidak lagi merenung aku. Aku harus segera bergerak mencari Alexandra sebelum terlambat.