Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Abang has returned. For his summer vacation. Three months. Home in Malaysia. I was really looking forward to see him. Talk to him. Discuss things with him. Things that matter to him. And to me. Two guys talking.
However, it has been three weeks since he arrived. I have yet to do any of those that I wanted to do. Well, one or two maybe. But, not as I wanted it to be. I am seeing him less. In fact sometimes I forgot that he is home.
Every morning, I will leave early. He is not up yet. Even if he is awake, I will be too preoccupied with my morning routine to sit and chat a little with him. I learned from Ibu that occasionally he would send Acik to school and back home. He will drive my Black Proton to do that. At night, when I returned, late as always, he would be there in the living room, eyes glued to the computer. He would dutifully shake and kiss my hand. I would go up to change and pray, if I haven't in the office. Thereafter most likely I will check on Ibu and fall asleep quickly. Some time, I would be able to go down, chat a little with Abang and promptly fall asleep on the couch before I could say anything meaningful.
It has been almost 4 and a half month since I returned to work. New job and new demand. I didn't realise if it had changed me. People around me say so. People I know say so. I don't feel so but I must have. I feel so enthusiastic in things I have to deal daily that I'm lost in all of them. I need sometime or something to do always to reclaim my private space. I tend to value too much on spending my private time by myself that I am only aware the weekend is over when I woke up Monday morning. I don't seem to have time for others including those important to me. And I will forget the limitations that were imposed on me and continue with my pace that would worry those caring for me.
I can't stop. And, I am getting reckless.