On the road again and I am thinking about them practically every free time that I have. It is always hard to leave them for an extended period of time. Despite it being the recurrent theme for me and the kids. Despite the fact we could still communicate by phone(when near) or by email (when time difference proved phone cumbersome), I would still miss them terribly. Despite the fact that by being away, I am actually free from their constant nagging for computer time, pleas for toys, bickering and sibling rivalry and all sorts of other things, I still can't get used to this freedom and long for their tyranny over me. It keeps me wondering.
I wonder whether Baby Faim will look for me at 6 am whenever he opens his eyes. Whether He will get his chance to go on his usual morning rounds. Whether he needs my cuddle when he woked up frightened in the middle of the night. Whether he will answer every phone rings by shouting Ayah.
I wonder whether Adik will look for me to pat him to sleep every night. Whether he will wait for my sweet talks before taking his bath or eating his breakfast. Whether he will run to Ibu or Atuk whenever he gets in a fight with Abang now that I am not around for comforting words or righting the wrongs. I wonder who he will ask to sit next to him when he is watching Sagwa or Codenamed Kid Dext Door...
I think about Abang... my eldest who is my hope for taking charge whenever I am not around. Thinking whether he will look after his brother instead of finding faults. Make things easier for Ibu in the morning instead of sleeping in the bathroom. Abang who will never sleep alone in his room and would run away to Ibu or Nenenk in the middle of the night if he found out he is alone. I am thinking whether Abang would be thinking about others more rather than himself.
And finally, I do think about you Ibu. Whether you are OK. Whatever problems you might have. Whatever things you have to cope with. How would you fend for yourself without me around. What worries you before you close your eyes at night. But then, I am not worried. Cause all these years, you have been the one that cope. The one that fend. For us and for me. You are there even when I am not. You who always find time to call me wherever I am around the world, just to ask what I had for dinner last night. And I am always relieved.
Happy Mother's Day, Ibu. The wish may be a little late in coming, but you would undertsand as it had to take some time to travel halfway around the globe to reach you.
Happy Mother's Day. Hope you had a good one.
18.5 mo post partum!
5 days ago