CHOICES

'So, it is up to you. Do you want me to accompany you to the game or would you like to bring a friend instead?', tanya aku kepada Abang. Ibu pon memandang Abang menunggu jawapan bermakna.

Abang tanpa berfikir panjang ( seolah dia dah 'rehearse' dialog ) terus menjawab, ' It doesn't matter Ayah. I can go with you or anyone. You decide', kata Abang.

' Well, I am not sure myself. But, you have to give your decision because the game in on Wednesday', jawab aku.

Abang mengulang lagi jawapan sebelum, 'It doesn't matter'.

Di saat ini aku ingin menguji Abang sedikit la. 'Well, let me think. Actually the two tickets are given by my friend for me to experience the game once , to see whether I can enjoy it. It might not be polite if I accept the tickets but didn't go. So, maybe I should go with you'. Aku bercakap sambil memerhati wajah Abang dengan teliti. Tiada perubahan walau sedikit pon. Dia hanya merenung kepada aku menunggu sahaja apa yang akan aku katakan.

Aku tambah lagi. ' However, I don't really fancy this ice hockey game. They are a bit too fast and too violent for me. Give me soccer or American football, and I definitely could see myself cheering at the stadium with you'. Aku lihat wajah Abang sekali lagi. Ternampak sedikit senyuman. Jadi aku pon menambah, ' Maybe you can find out from one of your friends if anyone is interested to go with you. I can tell my friend that I have some programme that night. And err.. don't invite a friend who can't stomach bloody noses etc', kata aku.

'Oh I won't invite her. She doesn't like hockey', Abang cepat menjawab sebelum cuba menarik balik kata-kata.

Aku pura-pura tidak mendengar, ' What did you say?'.
'Nothing.. I go ask my friend now', jawab Abang spontan dan terus keluar.

Dari gaya dan gerak geri Abang, aku boleh menilai dia akan lebih menikmati menonton sukan tersebut sekiranya dia bersama-sama kawan dia daripada menonton dengan Ayah yang kurang sedikit memahami sukan ini. Aku pon tak berapa minat.

Aku pandang ke Ibu. Ibu hanya tersenyum.

WALKING TALL

Ibu cerita dengan aku.

'Today Faim walked to school by himself', kata Ibu.
'Eh.. I thought you sent him to school this morning?', aku tanya Ibu kehairanan sebab aku nampak Ibu dengan Faim menuju ke kereta pagi tadi.
'Ya la, tapi once we arrived at school, Faim said he wanted to walk to class by himself. "Ibu can drive the car home" ', Ibu menjawab dan meniru cara Faim bercakap.
'Oh', aku jawab dan mengganguk memahami maksud Ibu.

Terfikir aku. Dah besar Baby Faim. Pada hal pagi tadi waktu aku nak solat subuh, dia masuk ke bilik minta tumpang tidor di katil kami. Cepat betul anak-anak aku membesar.

Segera, aku menjawab kepada Ibu,' Tommorow, I will send Faim to school'.

WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO GO

Aku sedang bersiap untuk ke pejabat bila aku sedari bahawa rumah aku sunyi sepi tiada kedengaran suara anak-anak bersiap untuk ke sekolah. Aku masuk ke bilik dan dapati Faim sedang lenyak tidor siap terbungkus dengan selimut. Aku bergerak menghampiri katil untuk mengejutkan Faim sambil berkata kepada Ibu, ' Eh Faim still asleep. It's already 8 oc'clock'.

Kemudian aku teringat bahawa hari ini sekolah bercuti kerana Pro-D Day. Lantas pun berpatah balik sambil berkata , ' Oh, I just remembered, it's not a school day today'. kepada Ibu yang mungkin cuba menahan aku dari menggangu tidur lena Faim. Ibu mengganguk.

Tiba-tiba Faim bingkas bangun dan terus bercakap, ' Oh yea, today is a holiday. I can watch TV now'. Terus dia terjun dari katil dan berjalan keluar bilik.

Aku pandang Ibu. Ibu pandang aku. Kami pandang Faim menuruni tangga menuju ke bilik TV.

SO LONG AS YOU ARE OK

‘Really, Ayah?’, tanya Naim seolah-olah tidak percaya.

‘Yes, go check inside my luggages’, jawab aku sambil menunjuk kepada bag-bag besar yang baru saja Abang tolong bawak masuk.

Adik pon tanpa berlengah membongkar kedua-dua beg aku tanpa mengira samada pakaian kotor atau bersih habis di tariknya keluar. Akhirnya dia terjumpa apa yang dicari dan menariknya keluar. Tiga bungkusan  berasingan. Ibu dan Nenek hanya tersengeh melihat gelagat Adik.

Adik mengira ketulan berbungkus dengan sangat gembira.

”Three.. three Double Cheeseburgers from Malaysia. This other one is spicy McChicken Deluxe and this other one is a Big Mac. All Halal!!!’, jerit Adik kegirangan sambil melonjak-lonjak. Aku pon tersenyum sama.

Abang datang menghampiri aku. Dia duduk di sebelah.

‘I supposed the McChicken Deluxe is for me’, tanya Abang.

‘You supposed right’, jawab aku. Itu memang favorite Abang.

‘So, how is your knee now? Healing?’, tanya Abang lagi.

‘Yes, it is’, jawab aku perlahan.

‘And the car…. wrecked?’, tanya Abang lagi.

‘Yep, but can be repaired I supposed’, aku menambah.

‘So long as you are OK, Ayah’, Abang berkata lagi. Aku hanya mengganguk. Kami berdua memandang Adik yang masih lagi tidak percaya ada tiga ketul double cheeseburger di depan mata. 

WE DO WHAT WE CAN

Raya was so much uneventful event for the family this time around. While all the children diligently perform their fasting ( including Faim with his peculiar mazhab teaching), Raya was just like any other day. Before Raya, we thought the kids could skip school and perform the Eid prayers with me and then we would all sit down and salam each other before eating the simple yet traditional raya dish that Ibu normally cook.

However, it was not to be. As school term begins within the same week, most of the kids have important school day on Friday. Abang had a new math teacher who was not only tough but very difficult one to boot. And, Friday was the day that the teacher expect everyone to be in her first class or else life could be difficult for the rest of the year for whoever was the unlucky one. So, I agreed with Ibu that maybe Abang could skip the sunat Eid prayers. Adik and Faim are in the same school and Friday was the day they would move to their new grade classroom and meet with their respective home room teacher. I also regard this to be unfortunate but probably unavoided.

So, I ended up driving  to Blundell  and prayed with about 300 other jemaah. Returning home, I joined Ibu and we salam together and ate our traditional dishes in quiet. Then I left for an official engagement before proceeding for the Friday prayers. The kids came back at about 4pm and we sat down together and do our usual salam and duit raya ceremony. This time we don't even have Nenek and Atuk on Skype as we usually do for the past 3 years.

I felt a little disappointed that the kids were unable to experience the warmth and festive experience that I had when I was their age. I know that this is part of life which I have to face as many others do. While I can be sure that I am used to this, do I really know how the kids felt? That was on my mind the whole day.

'Sorry boys, probably next year we could celebrate in  a more meaningful celebration with all our family back home. InsyaAllah, we will have all the usual and normal celebration, just like we used to have 4 yrs ago. ', I spoke to Adikwhile patting his head. He looked up at me showing his clear signs of pimples on his forehead.

'Ayah, don't forget tommorow we have some people coming to the house right. Then, it is Raya, Ayah!', Adik answered me back. Adik can always connect with my inner emotions.

'Yea, my friends and colleagues. My personal parish. InsyaAllah that could bring some cheers tomorrow', I thought hard.

FAST TIME SO MANY

Selesai berdoa, kami pun menghadap juadah buka puasa. Seperti biasa la, kalau makan bersama ni macam-macm cerita keluar. Suasana ruang makan kami sendiri.

'Eh apa banyak sangat Ibu masak ni?', tanya aku sambil menceduk bihun goreng special Ibu.

'Bihun tu sebab Ayah minta semalam kan. Nasi goreng tu sebab Abang kena makan nasi, kalau tidak tak cukup makan dia', kata Ibu.

'Ni mana dapat siput sedut ni? Jagung pon ada', aku tanya lagi, buat-buat heran pon ada jugak.

'Sipu sedut tu ada kat kedai cina tadi. Teringat dulu Adik suka masa kita selalu beli di pasar Ramadan dulu', terang ibu sambil menyuap bihun ke mulut dengan tenang.

'Ayah, the corn is my favorite too. See, I eat it like this', Adik mencelah sambil menunjukkan gaya memakan jagung seperti Bugs Bunny.

'Oh OK dik. But, eat nicely', jawab aku kepada Adik. Dengan Adik sekarang kena
berkeras sedikit. Semenjak dia dah nak menjadi teenager ni, kena tegur dia selalu supaya kelakuan macam budak besar sikit. Asyik nak main cara Faim aja dia.

'Faim makan apa tu?', tanya aku pelik melihat dia mengunyah dengan bersungguh-sungguh.

'Biasa dia la 'grilled cheese' tu kakak buat untuk dia. Tiap kali buka puasa kena ada 'grilled cheese' dia', jawab Ibu sambil tertawa sedikit. Tangan Ibu mengambil sekeping kertas tisu dan secara otomatik mengesat cebisan roti di pipi Faim.

'But, Faim did you fast today. ', aku bertanya kepada Faim.
'Yes, I did. Many times!', jawab Faim dengan selamba.
'Eh many times?. But I thought I saw you drinking chocolate milk just now', aku hairan.
'Of course Ayah. After I drink, I fast again. After this, I will also fast another time', jawab Faim dengan sangat-sangat tenang.
'Oh, patut la many times. Mana boleh macam tu Faim', kata aku sambil terus disambut gelak ketawa oleh Ibu, Abang dan Adik. Nampaknya lepas ni kena perjelas kepada Faim lagi ni bab puasa.

Friends and ......

Sewaktu membeli-belah di Tyrrell Museum, Adik dan Abang maklum kepada aku yang mereka ingin juga membeli hadiah untuk kawan-kawan sekolah mereka. Aku tak ingin bertanya kawan lelaki atau perempuan kerana tak mau menjadi cerita panjang langsung mengiyakan aja. Kemudian Adik bertanya samada aku masih ingat akan kawan-kawan aku semasa aku di sekolah dahulu.  Aku termenung sebentar.

Saat sekolah di mana aku seronok berkawan pada aku ialahs emasa aku berada di Tingkatan 2. Aku teringat Charanpal Singh. Ketua Tingkatan kami. Tinggi lampai dan waktu itu baru sahaja bertukar dari memakai toncit kecil kepada sarban. Sangat baik hati pada aku dan sangat pandai berbahasa Inggeris dan sedia mengajar aku tanpa apa-apa syarat. Dia juga memperbetulkan dialog aku dari ' Steve Austin, a man VERY alive' kepada ' Steve Austin, a man BARELY alive',  dua perkataan hampir serupa bunyinya tapi mempunyai maksud bertentangan.

Kemudian aku teringat kepada Poon Keng Yuen. Master of Mathematics, Ilmu Hisab dan Kira-kira. Kami panggil dia Spoon. Tapi walaupun dia sedikit pelat dan kekok berbahasa Melayu. persahabatan aku dengan dia sangat luhur dan akrab. Poon juga dilantik sebagai pengawas sekolah. Walaupun aku kawan baik dia, namun dari segi peraturan sekolah, dia sangat tegas dengan aku. Kalau aku tak pakai lencana atau tanda nama, akan ditulis juga nama aku. Tapi, dia juga baik hati kerana kadang dia akan secara senyap menghulur kepada aku lencana tambahan yang dia simpan dipoket kalau dia lihat aku terlupa memakai lencana sekolah.

Aku ingat R. Selvarajan. Budak Larkin. Boleh tahan dari segi pelajaran dan petah berbahasa Melayu tanpa sedikit pelat atau telo pon yang dapat dikesan. Selvarajan tidak berapa tinggi dan mempunyai rambut sedikit kerinting. Lemah lembut orangnya dalam pergaulan dan juga pertuturan. Aku tak ingat sabjek apa kelebihan Selvarajan tapi aku merasa dia cerdik dalam hampir semua mata pelajaran termasuk Bahasa Melayu dan Inggeris.

Ini rakan-rakan yang aku ingat. Sudah tentu aku juga berkawan dengan Rosli, Zali, Ain, Razid dan sebagainya. Kami akan berkumpul di bawah pokok di hujung padang bermain bolasepak menggunakan bola tenis mengisi masa menunggu sekolah bermula. kami akan bermain bola dan meminum air teh yang dibawa oleh Charanpal sedikit-sedikit. Kemudian sama-sama memasuki kelas. Sehingga sebelah petang dan berpisah di tengah jalan menuju ke tempat menunggu bas masing-masing.

Aku tak pernah cuba mengambil lebih tahu akan perihal mereka. Siapa dan apa bangsa atau kedudukan mereka. Mungkin aku perlu lebih mengenal. Tapi aku tak yakin kalau semua itu patut menjadi faktor persahabatan. Kami sama-sama bersahabat atas perasaan sama-sama kawan sekolah berdasarkan apa yang kami lalui dan rasai bersama.Kalau berkebun dalam kelas sains pertanian, kami sama menyangkul, menyemai dan menyiram. Ke reban ayam, kami bersama membersih reban ayam dan meletak makanan untuk ayam-ayam tersebut. Sama-sama mengambil radas-radas dalam kelas Sains Paduan, sama-sama mencatit dan membuat ujikaji. Sama-sama berlari 100 dan 400 meter, melompat jauh dan tinggi masa hari sukan. Sama-sama kecewa dan sama-sama gembira apa mengalami kegagalan atau satu kejayaan. Pada aku itu lah persahabatan yang jujur.

'So, Adik friendship is mostly not about material things. Friendship is more than that about sharing your experience together. Not by buying toys for them', kata aku memandang Adik yangs edang mengengan beberapa soft toys dinasours. Kemudian  Abang pon sama tercegat depan aku memegang dua soft toys besar.

Aku menggaru kepala sambil akhirnya bertanya, ' err I don't think your friends might want that. These are not the kind of things you give to male friends'.
Abang pon dengan selamba pulak menjawab, ; no they are not'.

Halcyon Days

We were sitting on the sand. Rocks and debris were around us. The sun was really testing our ability to absorb the nutrinos. The kids were sifting sands looking for something. To the left and right are hills with exposed surface due to erosion. Multi-layered and multi-colored, they appear beautiful indeed. In front of us are gaping wide land depression. I smiled absorbing the surrounding.

Another. Walking down Center Street, we crossed 2nd Avenue with nary a soul around. No traffics passing by. Not even any parked on the ubiquitous and free curbside parking lots The public library looked empty and deserted. So was the Fire Department and the Police Station. Nobody entered or exited any of the similarly quaint looking shops and restaurants. It was 930 am. And again, I smiled to myself.

And another. Slow blowing wind caress our body, face and hair. The wind swept yellow field in front of us as far as the eyes could see, seemed to be dancing to a certain rhythm, too subsonic for human ears, but it was there. The only snag was the constant itch of the newly born mosquitoes biting our exposed arms and necks. but, I was taking it all with full smiles on my face.

Finally, one of the kids couldn't stand it and asked me. 'Ayah, why are you smiling all the times?', asked Naim. I just smiled back and answered 'Halcyon days, Dik. Halcyon days', and continued walking to the car.

At the corner of my eyes I could see Adik shaking his head to Abang who showed an inquiring face.

HUG ME IF YOU CAN

Faim baru sahaja jalani operasi baiki gigi yang rusak banyak. Waktu berjumpa dentist dulu, aku hairan bila Doktor kata gigi Faim banyak yang rusak. Faim berus gigi dengan rajin pagi dan malam. Malah kadang, kalau aku memaksa dia tidur kerana kerap nakal, dia akan membantah kerana dia belum memberus gigi. Tapi menurut doktor, gigi dia begitu kerana dia terlalu suka benda manis dan sebagai contoh ialah minum susu coklat, makan coklat dan segalanya berkaitan coklat. Aku akur dan ikutkan nasihat doktor untuk mengadakan prosedur khusus untuk Faim minggu lepas.

Masalah aku hadapi ialah anak-anak lelaki hero aku, termasuk aku sangat la ngeri kalau melihat jarum doktor. Begitu juga Faim. Jadi, bincang punya bincang, doktor setuju untuk menidurkan Faim supaya dia boleh mengurus hampir tujuh batang gigi yang perlu pakai topi, tampal, gesek dan sebagainya. Pada harinya, Faim sangat takut dan menangis-nangis. Aku yang memeluk Faim sebelum dipakaikan topeng penidur. Dan Faim terkulai layu di depan mata aku. 4 Jam aku menunggu, mundar-mandir bersama Ibu sehingga akhirnya baru dia terbangun dengan bibir yang bengkak.

Di rumah Faim kata dia tak ingat bagaimana dia boleh tertidor. Yang dia ingat ialah dakapan aku yang terlalu kuat hingga dia tertidur. Kata terakhir dia sebagai menutup episod yang sangat ingin dia lupakan, ' Ayah, you are too fat. You squeeze me too hard'. Aku rasa aku perlu mencari 'running shoes' aku semula.

Honor Thy Father

I can never claim to really know my father. I mean, I know what his name is and what he looks like and all, but I don't know what kind of a person he really is. What is he, inside, actually.

Mostly, people learn about their parents from their parents' parents. But, I don't have that privilege. I never get a chance to know to my grandfathers. Both died when my parents were still small. I grew up not knowing them nor ever saying a word to them. My grandmothers, Makwe (tua) and Nyai were the only parents of my parents that I know.

So, Dad was kind of a real mystery to me. His presence and absence have profound effect on me. His words were all that I have growing up. Though, over time, I began to be suspicious of certain factual things that he conveyed. Growing up, there was no other older sages that would enhance or countermand whatever Dad said to me. His words were gospels.

That was until I grew bigger and maybe wiser. I put the pieces together. Things I heard over at weddings, funerals, family visits and of course from his usually long winded and one sided in-house lectures given to me and my siblings whenever he felt like giving one. I learned that he went to schools for two years. I knew he once climbed a coconut tree under orders from a Japanese soldier, he once carried crates of coca-colas for Malay movie productions, he was a policeman once and his platoon shot the most notorious communist leader in Kluang, he was a truck driver in the Territorial Army until his eyes betrayed him. These I get from the pieces. He has never tell me directly who he is in one sitting. I have to do a lot of figuring out. But, a lot of issues about him remain murky and cloudy to me. For example, I used to think his birthday was in April, until a few years back when I registered him at the hospital, I found out he was born in June. That's a two month off. But, I swore that I have seen with my own eyes his old birth date in the old Kad Pengenalan.

I know now too that despite their sometimes boisterous bickering, Mom was important to him. When mom died nearly 10 years ago, Dad was quite devastated. He didn't show to me how he missed mom, but I can see the changes in his behavior. Mom was the only one who could stand Dad's long lecture. Occasionally, interrupting him with funny comments at the right moments that would normally made him pause and lost his train of thoughts. Mom was his life. His sparring partner.

I am a father now, myself. Though, I would like to think that I have more exposure on the real and modern world, more educated that my Dad (thanks to his constant emphasis on study and education), I still find myself spouting words to my children that were once from him. Repeating his very words and cautions.

He is old now. Bent and walk with great difficulty. His voice maybe be weaker when he goes on his tirade but the talk would remain as long. But, Bak remains a proud man. he would never give in to me or his other children. His words remain to be obeyed or he will be isolating himself and give you a cold shoulder if he is displeased with somethings or some acts by anyone of us. He is not the kind of father who would readily accept greetings or good wishes. He would grumble or pretend that he couldn't hear us. I used to call and wish him on Hari Raya when I can't make it home on those important occasions.  He would pretend he couldn't hear me and blame that the phone was not working and passed it to my brother or sister. I understand his pride and stop calling. So, when possible, distance wise, I make it a point to be home on those days even if I am late by a day or two. I get it.

And, Bak would never respond if you wish him with Father's Day greeting. He would not understand all the excitement about it. It has no special meaning to him. It would be the same day to him, riding his bikes to the mosque and sending his favorite grandson to school. Regardless, I do remember my father and I wish him in my prayers, anyway. I want to remember taking a day off every month for about two years to wait with him at the eye clinic to treat his catarac. Just so he would be able to see his grandchildren clearly and ride his bike with better eyesight. I cherished those moments though he might not realize it. I felt proud to be able to do something for him. Hopefully, one day he will know how much I really appreciate him and his raising me.

Lost and Found

Semalam hari terakhir persekolahan bagi tahun ini untuk Alfaim yang telah setahun mengikuti pendidikan Kindergarten. Oleh kerana, dia anak paling kecil, selalu nya ada menjadi tugas kakak untuk menghantar ke sekolah dan mengiringi Faim balik ke rumah. Kami menasihat Faim supaya selalu mengikut kata dan arahan kakak dan jangan sekali-sekali menyusahkan kakak kerana kakak kurang boleh berbahasa Inggeris. Mungkin susah untuk kakak meminta bantuan sekiranya ada apa-apa kekeliruan yang berlaku di sekolah. Kadang walaupun kakak banyak kerja di rumah, tapi kalau Faim ingin bermain di 'playground' terlebih dahulu, kakak akan dengan tenang dan sabar menunggu, walaupun hampir satu jam.

Tapi semalam, Faim, mungkin yakin diri oleh kerana dah hampir setahun bersekolah atau atas rasa ehsan kepada kakak yang selalu menunggu, telah mengambil keputusan untuk berjalan terus ke rumah dengan sendiri. Sebaik dilepaskan oleh guru, Faim telah berjalan terus tanpa mencari kakak yang sentiasa menunggu dipojok. Setelah beberapa ketika menunggu, kakak yang kerisauan terus menemui guru dan cuba dengan menggunakan tangan dan mimik muka yang ketakutan memaklum yang Faim tiada. Maka, berlakulah satu gerakan mencari Faim di sekitar sekolah oleh para guru dan Ibu bapa.

Setelah berlaku keributan yang pastinya merisaukan, seorang bapa menjumpai Faim sedang dengan tenang berjalan semula ke sekolah. Alasannya, dia tidak dapat masuk ke rumah kerana pintu berkunci. Setelah itu baru dia teringat yang kakak mungkin menunggu di sekolah.

Aku hanya diberitau oleh ibu akan kejadian pada pagi ini. Faim tidak mau ibu memaklum kepada aku semalam kerana dia mungkin malu atau takut. Aku belum lagi bercadang untuk bercakap dengan dia tentang perkara ini kerana aku nampak dia memang seperti merasa sangat bersalah. Cukuplah dengan ibu menasihat terlebih dahulu. Nanti apabila aku rasa masanya sesuai, akan aku bercerita dengan Faim.

Mengintai Si Buah Hati

Only Time Will Tell

Faim hanya boleh bermain Nintendo atau Wii hanya pada waktu-waktu tertentu, dan hanya pada hari Ahad. jadi, setiap hari Ahad aku atau Ibu akan diberikan soalan-soalan yang sama bertalu-talu :

'Ayah, when can I play?'.
'After you have mandi and breakfast, at 10 am'.
'Ayah, how long can we play?', tanya Faim.
' Until 1130'
'How long is that'.
'One hour and a half'.
'How many minutes?'.
'90 minutes'.
'Long hand where and short hand where?'.
'Long hand at 6 and short had at 11'
'OK'.

Begitula cara dia mengukur waktu. Dan waktu sangat penting bagi dia untuk mengatur hari paling utama dalam seminggu. Hari dia dapat bermain dengan Wii atau Nintendo DS dia.

Untuk memendekkan dialog yang sangat serupa setiap masa itu, Ahad lepas juga aku membelikan Faim 'jam meja digital' untuk dia melihat waktu dengan lebih sempurna untuk menentukan waktu bermain. Faim gembira dan minta dipasangkan ditepi katil supaya dia dapat juga mudah mengerling pada muka jam sambil menonton TV dan menepati waktu tido dengan jam terbut. Aku tak sangka dia akan mentaati waktu ditunjuk jam tersebut tapi malam tadi waktu aku menemani Faim tidor, dia asyik mengerling-ngerling akan jam dan memberitahu aku pukul berapa setiap satu-dua minit.

'Ayah, it's 10.01',
'It's 10.02'.
'10.03'.
'10.04'.
'Now it's 10.05. We should sleep'. Bertalu-talu Faim beritahu aku waktu semasa.
Aku yang separuh mengantuk menjawab,' You should be asleep much earlier la. Now I cannot sleep'.

Adik Bosan

Semenjak berusia 12 tahun, Adik jarang sangat membelanjakan masa untuk bersama aku ( spend time with me le). Menurut Kakak, kalau balik dari sekolah, adik akan memerap diri di dalam bilik tidor. Samada ingin menyudahkan kerja sekolah atau sengaja ingin menyendiri menonton TV. Berlainan dari kebiasaannya, sewaktu aku sampai ke rumah dari pejabat, Adik tidak pernah turun untuk menyambut aku. Hanya Faim dan Abang sahaja. Sehari-dua ini apabila aku menjenguk ke bilik, dia terbaring melepek kebosanan.

"Are you bored, Adik?', aku cuba bertanya.
'Yes, I got nothing to do', jawab Adik.
'Go and play outside. It's a nice day', aku cuba mencadang. Sambil tu aku mendekati dan duduk di sebelah Adik di birai katil. Mata Adik tidak bergerak dari kaca TV.
'No, I don't want. I am just bored', jawab Adik lemah. Adik mengesut menjauhi aku.
'Do you want to go see a movie with me this weekend. Shrek is showing?', tanya aku cuba mengatur program cuti hujung minggu.
'No', jawab Adik.
'Fishing?'.
Geleng.
'Bowling?'.
Geleng.
'Go-karting?'
Geleng lagi.
'What do you want to do?', aku bertanya.
'Nothing. I am just bored', Adik mengeluh sambil menujuk muka bosan.

Aku dah kehilangan idea. Aku keluar dari bilik setelah menasihat Adik memikirkan apa rancangan hujung minggu yang dia inginkan. Aku mencari Ibu.

Minum

'Ayah, when you come back from work, can you buy Coke for me?', tanya Faim dalam telefon.
'Sure, but I thought you like to drink Sprite?', aku suka cara Faim bertanya dan memohon. Sangat bersantun.
'Oh. I can not drink Sprite because last time when you bought for me, it was gassy', Faim menerangkan dengan yakin sekali.
'Oh but Coke is gassy too. Just like Sprite. Can I buy you some juice. What would you like?', aku bercakap sambil membayang dahi Faim berkerut memikirkan pilihan.
'Ermm What juice do you drink Ayah?', Faim tanya kepada aku balik.
'I like mango juice', jawab aku.
'What is mango, Ayah. Is it like orange?', tanya lagi.
'Yes, it's a fruit just like orange, only sweeter. Never mind la Faim, I just get you an orange drink', aku ingin memudahkan Faim.
'OK, I can drink orange. Oh, and Ayah, you can get one mango drink for yourself too', Faim menawarkan kepada aku pula.
'Oh ok, thank you Faim. See you this afternoon', aku menutup bicara dengan anak aku yang paling kecik dan semakin pandai berbual dengan orang dewasa.

Peter Pan

Adik is already 12. That's a big milestone for him. And for me too. The second time that my offspring has reached that age. It also serves as a reminder for me. About getting older.

Adik is something else. He likes being different. I can describe Adik although I may not be able to fully figure him out. Adik was born when I was abroad studying. Ibu drove herself to Dr Chaudry's Clinic when she felt like delivering but once at the Clinic, Adik decided to stay inside. When Nenek came to wait with Ibu and accompany her in the delivery room Adik still refused to come out. Finally when Nenek left for home, Ibu went to the delivery room again and Nenek and Atuk had to rush back to the Clinic. Adik was the only one to have the comforting voice of Atuk to 'azan' to his ears.

Growing up Adik has a lot of misadventures. He took them all in strides even though sometimes he could really test our patience, mine especially. He also had to always compete with Abang. He would have to prove how good he is to Abang to feel accepted by his big brother who I am certain he adored very much. And the competitive Abang has a high standard of acceptance before Adik can even get the slightest recognition. I am sure that's common between siblings but I can clearly observe this in the two brothers. In fact, sometimes I felt like I was quietly or maybe subconsciously encouraging Abang to set the higher standards.

And maybe because of this or other reasons, Adik at certain point decided to have his own set of interests and hobbies. While Abang enjoys the science of outer space exploration and modern technology, Adik loves the animal world especially the ocean lifeforms and the extinct or exotic kinds. I once remarked to them that Abang may try to reach for the stars but Adik is keeping his feet on the ground.

But then the opposites would also be true when it comes to writing and reading. At age 10, Abang could write a sensible essay and story with sensible narration and plots, complete with concrete arguments and reasoning. Adik writing ability is more focussed on the strange and far-fetched adventures involving dragons, dinosaurs and cartoon characters. When Abang is reading current and mainstream books and novels, Adik reading variety involves Pokemons, Diary of a Wimpy Kid and Captain Underpants.

As Baby Faim grows older and a little wiser about the world, Adik took it as his new found vocation to educate Faim on the finer aspects of living. He teaches Faim what TV show to watch, what toys to play and how to get what they want from their parents. Instead of growing older and mature, Adik is getting himself younger to reach out to Faim.

And we only know recently that Adik has some difficulty. All these times, we were taking Adik at face value without realising his own battle inside him. For that I truly regret my sometimes untempered heighten emotions toward him.

But we all know in our hearts and our mind that Adik is such a loving and kind boy. Adik is very sensitive to other's feeling and is himself unrestrained in showing emotions. I know this fact to be true. Despite our occasional misgivings about his characters and mannerism, Adik has proven that he loves each and everyone of us in the family. And, we in return loves him so much too. And, we know he will be growing up soon as fast as time the can fly, but we do hope that his heart remains with us as he explores the different and wonderful life that awaits him.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADIK FROM ALL OF US.

Where Do I Meet You?

Minggu lepas Abang minta aku menemani dia ke Metrotown Mall. Katanya dia ingin mendapatkan sesuatu. Aku merasa terkesan. Semenjak masuk kategori anak bujang, jarang Abang ingin aku bersama-sama dia tanpa aku perlu membujuk atau berkeras. Dengan girang aku memandu Abang ke Metrotown sambil mengambil kesempatan bercerita dengan anak bujang yang minat dan kegemaran yang telah banyak jauh berubah. Senagaja aku memandu dengan sangat perlahan supaya lebih panjang masa dapat aku luangkan bercerita dengan 'captive audience' aku.

Melangkah beberapa tapak ke dalam Metrotown, Abang terus bertanya, ' So, where do I meet you?'
Aku tergamam sebentar. 'Err where are you going?'. Akhirnya aku dapat bertanya.
'To get my stuffs', jawab Abang.
Aku terdiam lagi untuk berfikir sejenak.
'Oh you can see me inside Chapters after you got your things. I want to get some books for Faim. It's ok. You come and see me there. And, if you want some tshirts, we can get them after that if you want, at your favorite store' aku menjawab dengan cuba menahan sebarang emosi pada riak muka aku.
'OK' jawab Abang.

Beberapa minit kemudian, Abang mendekati aku di pintu masuk Chapters dan tersenyum mengajak pergi. Selepas ke J2 untuk sehelai dua tshirt kegemarannya, kami pun beransur pulang.

Faim the Enthusiastic Farmer

'Ayah, Can I get the seeds now?', tanya Alfaim.
'Wait Faim. Our purpose is to check out birthday presents for Abang Cik, right. So, we must do that first', jawab aku cuba menahan sabar Faim yang dah tinggi separas pinggang aku. 'OK', jawab Faim beralah.

Selesai bertawaf dalam Toys r Us dan setelah mengenalpasti dua hadiah yang mungkin disukai Naim, aku mengajak Alfaim dan Alnaim makan tengahari dahulu. Faim dan Naim makan sepotong pizza berkeju seorang sementara aku makan sejenis benda bergelar keju empanada. Aku lihat Faim makan begitu cepat sekali. Selesai dimakannya dia nak tolong makan pizza Acik pulak.

'Ayah, we are done now right? Can we go', Faim mengajak. Aku tau dia nak suruh pergi beli biji benih sayur dekat kedai depan tu lagi. 'Be patient Faim. You have to go to the washroom and wash your hands and maybe peepee first. Then we have to find one more thing for Acik's school project', jawab aku. Acik yang ada bersama cuma diam mengganguk. Lain benar perangai Acik kali ni.

Akhirnya kami pergi juga dan belikan biji benih sayur seperti yang dikehendaki oleh Faim. Dia memilih benih lobak jingga dan jagung. Punya la susah nak jaga. Tapi atas kesungguhan dia aku belikan jugak. Sampai di rumah Faim terus minta supaya benih benih tersebut ditanam dengan segera. Aku nasihat Faim supaya bersabar sebab cuaca mendung dan sejuk petang ini tak sesuai untuk berkebun. Aku nasihat supaya menunggu bila matahari sudah bersinar terang supaya benih dapat zat dari matahari dan cepat membesar. Dia akur. Esok, sedang aku bersiap untuk ke pejabat Faim dah mendesak untuk menanam benih kerana matahari dah terang sedikit dari semalam. Aku minta kakak temankan Faim menanam benih benih tersebut di batas bunga Ibu di tepi garaj.

'And remember Faim, the instruction say it will take 30 days for the carrot and 90 days for the corn to properly grow. You have to be very patient ok. And not all the seeds will grow into an adult tree, maybe 3 or 4 will', kata aku lagi. Aku tak mau dia kecewa atau mendesak-desak kemudian kalau apa-apa berlaku. Faim ucap terima kasih.

Malam semalam sebelum tidorkan Faim, Ibu panggil aku ke bilik. Dia tunjuk satu jadual Faim tulis sendiri dengan tarikh satu hingga 30 tertulis rapi dalam kotak-kotak umpama kalendar. Dan tarikh 1 dan 2 telah dipangkah, menandakan dah dua hari dia menanam biji benih tersebut.

Aku memandang ke Ibu. Dalam hati aku berkata,' alamak, kalau tak tumbuh ni macam mana ye?'.

6th. Year.

Today would be the 6th year that I have been writing on these pages. A lot of memories have been recorded here and a lot of time have been spent, too. Time I could not afford very much nowadays.

It started with Alzaim. My eldest son. Who at the time I started writing seemed to amaze me by his oratory skills and wits. He used to dazzle us with his childish observations which actually didn't sound childish at all to me. But, now he is appeared differently. He must be as 6 years is a big gap in teenage physical/emotional development and character display. Gone were the days when he would offer his thoughts and simple remarks to me which later when I started to think seemed profound and thoughtful. His times with us are getting less as are his conversations. But, I accept whatever changes that are apparent as I know despite all these, inside he remains a respectful and polite son.

Six years ago, Adik was in Kindergarten. His time was occupied with playing and ermm some more playing : in the garden, bedroom, house and everywhere else. Like any other kids, he loved the computer. While people use the computer for work and play, Adik tends to use it solely for play. He is now nearing his twelfth year of age, and his fascination with computer never stops. He seldom reads like his Abang who read books voraciously. He reads only when it relates to whatever fun he is having; computer games, cartoons, Playstation and everything else. We used to have to force him to sit still and finish his homework. Not anymore though, as he is growing up, his sense responsibility and duty is higher than before. But, he is the one who always get into trouble with Ibu and Ayah. Mostly Ibu. I blame this on unmitigated exuberance and fondness for the fun of life.

I am now fascinated to see Faim growing up. When I started writing this blog, he was still a clot of flesh in Ibu’s tummy. Ibu named him Faim because she wanted a son who is wise and fun at the same time. And, thus far Faim didn’t disappoint. He is showing flashes of Abang’s brilliance when small as well as Adik’s non-ending quest for fun and adventure. Hence, I see him sleeping with Adik in a warm makeshift tent in the bedroom despite the two soft beds. Reasons, the bed gets colder later in the night while his tent would remain warm until morning. Besides, he can have all his soft toys in the tent which would further warm him. At times, I could wake up in the middle of the night and join him there.

I am rambling. I know. That’s what happened to parents when they start to display more white lines on their heads at the time their children are growing taller than they are. I know. What’s the point in all this? Well six years to me is a very long time. I am grateful to be able to put my thoughts here though now they are becoming extremely rare and occasional. I consider myself lucky. But, luck also is not infinite.

I am thinking.

Managing Liquidity

Ibu tertawa terbahak-bahak. Aku pon kehairanan lalu bertanya apa yang sangat menggelikan hati Ibu itu.

'Ayah go down and ask Faim, yourself', jawab Ibu sambil cuba menahan gelak.

Aku pon turun mencari Faim. Dia sedang makan aiskrim sendirian sambil menonton TV di dalam bilik yang gelap.

'Faim, are you OK?', tanya aku.

'Fine', jawab Faim selamba.

'May I ask why the room is dark?', tanya aku lagi.

'Because I am eating my ice-cream and I don't want the lamp to melt my ice cream like the sun', jawab Faim berterus-terang.

Aku angguk dan naik atas mencari Ibu. Jumpa sahaja Ibu, kami berdua tertawa terbahak-bahak.

Abang the Teenager

I never knew this. Nobody told me about it. I never read about it anywhere. And I definitely never experienced it.

When Abang was small, as a toddler growing up, he was learning to know his surrounding at an astonishing rate. He learned all words there is to know. Rattled of names of things in the house, body parts, actions involving those body parts as well as the sound coming out of those same body parts.

At the rate he was going, I was thinking that maybe he could master the whole vocabulary of both Webster and Kamus Dewan combined by the time he entered secondary school. I was worried that by that time he could be bored as there would be no more words for him to learn.

And I was right. Nearly. Well, my timing was off by a couple of years, but I think that was what is happening now. I believe that his brain's CPU is already saturated that he can't absorb anymore. And he no longer wants to use all those vocabularies anymore as if he had grown tired of all of them. Now, his vocabularies are limited to a few choice word or phrases, as if he was reading from the common phrase book issued by a tour agency.

I believe the example below would demonstrate the situation clearly. Please bear in mind that this would happen every 9 out of 10 conversations I have with him :

'Oh, hi Bang. Back from school?'

'Yes'

'So how was school today?'

'OK'

'You look tired. Any homework?'

'A bit'

'Are you hungry. Do you want to eat?'

'I guess'

'After this I am going to Oakridge. Do you want to go with me?'

'Maybe'

And, that was it. On a good day, that would be very talkative by his standard. Maybe, there's a rule somewhere about teenager that I don't know yet. Maybe there is a Teenager Union that limits daily conversation by their teen members. Maybe 500 words per day and he has used up 490 of those words at school with his friends.

I sure am confused.