Peter Pan

Adik is already 12. That's a big milestone for him. And for me too. The second time that my offspring has reached that age. It also serves as a reminder for me. About getting older.

Adik is something else. He likes being different. I can describe Adik although I may not be able to fully figure him out. Adik was born when I was abroad studying. Ibu drove herself to Dr Chaudry's Clinic when she felt like delivering but once at the Clinic, Adik decided to stay inside. When Nenek came to wait with Ibu and accompany her in the delivery room Adik still refused to come out. Finally when Nenek left for home, Ibu went to the delivery room again and Nenek and Atuk had to rush back to the Clinic. Adik was the only one to have the comforting voice of Atuk to 'azan' to his ears.

Growing up Adik has a lot of misadventures. He took them all in strides even though sometimes he could really test our patience, mine especially. He also had to always compete with Abang. He would have to prove how good he is to Abang to feel accepted by his big brother who I am certain he adored very much. And the competitive Abang has a high standard of acceptance before Adik can even get the slightest recognition. I am sure that's common between siblings but I can clearly observe this in the two brothers. In fact, sometimes I felt like I was quietly or maybe subconsciously encouraging Abang to set the higher standards.

And maybe because of this or other reasons, Adik at certain point decided to have his own set of interests and hobbies. While Abang enjoys the science of outer space exploration and modern technology, Adik loves the animal world especially the ocean lifeforms and the extinct or exotic kinds. I once remarked to them that Abang may try to reach for the stars but Adik is keeping his feet on the ground.

But then the opposites would also be true when it comes to writing and reading. At age 10, Abang could write a sensible essay and story with sensible narration and plots, complete with concrete arguments and reasoning. Adik writing ability is more focussed on the strange and far-fetched adventures involving dragons, dinosaurs and cartoon characters. When Abang is reading current and mainstream books and novels, Adik reading variety involves Pokemons, Diary of a Wimpy Kid and Captain Underpants.

As Baby Faim grows older and a little wiser about the world, Adik took it as his new found vocation to educate Faim on the finer aspects of living. He teaches Faim what TV show to watch, what toys to play and how to get what they want from their parents. Instead of growing older and mature, Adik is getting himself younger to reach out to Faim.

And we only know recently that Adik has some difficulty. All these times, we were taking Adik at face value without realising his own battle inside him. For that I truly regret my sometimes untempered heighten emotions toward him.

But we all know in our hearts and our mind that Adik is such a loving and kind boy. Adik is very sensitive to other's feeling and is himself unrestrained in showing emotions. I know this fact to be true. Despite our occasional misgivings about his characters and mannerism, Adik has proven that he loves each and everyone of us in the family. And, we in return loves him so much too. And, we know he will be growing up soon as fast as time the can fly, but we do hope that his heart remains with us as he explores the different and wonderful life that awaits him.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADIK FROM ALL OF US.

Where Do I Meet You?

Minggu lepas Abang minta aku menemani dia ke Metrotown Mall. Katanya dia ingin mendapatkan sesuatu. Aku merasa terkesan. Semenjak masuk kategori anak bujang, jarang Abang ingin aku bersama-sama dia tanpa aku perlu membujuk atau berkeras. Dengan girang aku memandu Abang ke Metrotown sambil mengambil kesempatan bercerita dengan anak bujang yang minat dan kegemaran yang telah banyak jauh berubah. Senagaja aku memandu dengan sangat perlahan supaya lebih panjang masa dapat aku luangkan bercerita dengan 'captive audience' aku.

Melangkah beberapa tapak ke dalam Metrotown, Abang terus bertanya, ' So, where do I meet you?'
Aku tergamam sebentar. 'Err where are you going?'. Akhirnya aku dapat bertanya.
'To get my stuffs', jawab Abang.
Aku terdiam lagi untuk berfikir sejenak.
'Oh you can see me inside Chapters after you got your things. I want to get some books for Faim. It's ok. You come and see me there. And, if you want some tshirts, we can get them after that if you want, at your favorite store' aku menjawab dengan cuba menahan sebarang emosi pada riak muka aku.
'OK' jawab Abang.

Beberapa minit kemudian, Abang mendekati aku di pintu masuk Chapters dan tersenyum mengajak pergi. Selepas ke J2 untuk sehelai dua tshirt kegemarannya, kami pun beransur pulang.

Faim the Enthusiastic Farmer

'Ayah, Can I get the seeds now?', tanya Alfaim.
'Wait Faim. Our purpose is to check out birthday presents for Abang Cik, right. So, we must do that first', jawab aku cuba menahan sabar Faim yang dah tinggi separas pinggang aku. 'OK', jawab Faim beralah.

Selesai bertawaf dalam Toys r Us dan setelah mengenalpasti dua hadiah yang mungkin disukai Naim, aku mengajak Alfaim dan Alnaim makan tengahari dahulu. Faim dan Naim makan sepotong pizza berkeju seorang sementara aku makan sejenis benda bergelar keju empanada. Aku lihat Faim makan begitu cepat sekali. Selesai dimakannya dia nak tolong makan pizza Acik pulak.

'Ayah, we are done now right? Can we go', Faim mengajak. Aku tau dia nak suruh pergi beli biji benih sayur dekat kedai depan tu lagi. 'Be patient Faim. You have to go to the washroom and wash your hands and maybe peepee first. Then we have to find one more thing for Acik's school project', jawab aku. Acik yang ada bersama cuma diam mengganguk. Lain benar perangai Acik kali ni.

Akhirnya kami pergi juga dan belikan biji benih sayur seperti yang dikehendaki oleh Faim. Dia memilih benih lobak jingga dan jagung. Punya la susah nak jaga. Tapi atas kesungguhan dia aku belikan jugak. Sampai di rumah Faim terus minta supaya benih benih tersebut ditanam dengan segera. Aku nasihat Faim supaya bersabar sebab cuaca mendung dan sejuk petang ini tak sesuai untuk berkebun. Aku nasihat supaya menunggu bila matahari sudah bersinar terang supaya benih dapat zat dari matahari dan cepat membesar. Dia akur. Esok, sedang aku bersiap untuk ke pejabat Faim dah mendesak untuk menanam benih kerana matahari dah terang sedikit dari semalam. Aku minta kakak temankan Faim menanam benih benih tersebut di batas bunga Ibu di tepi garaj.

'And remember Faim, the instruction say it will take 30 days for the carrot and 90 days for the corn to properly grow. You have to be very patient ok. And not all the seeds will grow into an adult tree, maybe 3 or 4 will', kata aku lagi. Aku tak mau dia kecewa atau mendesak-desak kemudian kalau apa-apa berlaku. Faim ucap terima kasih.

Malam semalam sebelum tidorkan Faim, Ibu panggil aku ke bilik. Dia tunjuk satu jadual Faim tulis sendiri dengan tarikh satu hingga 30 tertulis rapi dalam kotak-kotak umpama kalendar. Dan tarikh 1 dan 2 telah dipangkah, menandakan dah dua hari dia menanam biji benih tersebut.

Aku memandang ke Ibu. Dalam hati aku berkata,' alamak, kalau tak tumbuh ni macam mana ye?'.

6th. Year.

Today would be the 6th year that I have been writing on these pages. A lot of memories have been recorded here and a lot of time have been spent, too. Time I could not afford very much nowadays.

It started with Alzaim. My eldest son. Who at the time I started writing seemed to amaze me by his oratory skills and wits. He used to dazzle us with his childish observations which actually didn't sound childish at all to me. But, now he is appeared differently. He must be as 6 years is a big gap in teenage physical/emotional development and character display. Gone were the days when he would offer his thoughts and simple remarks to me which later when I started to think seemed profound and thoughtful. His times with us are getting less as are his conversations. But, I accept whatever changes that are apparent as I know despite all these, inside he remains a respectful and polite son.

Six years ago, Adik was in Kindergarten. His time was occupied with playing and ermm some more playing : in the garden, bedroom, house and everywhere else. Like any other kids, he loved the computer. While people use the computer for work and play, Adik tends to use it solely for play. He is now nearing his twelfth year of age, and his fascination with computer never stops. He seldom reads like his Abang who read books voraciously. He reads only when it relates to whatever fun he is having; computer games, cartoons, Playstation and everything else. We used to have to force him to sit still and finish his homework. Not anymore though, as he is growing up, his sense responsibility and duty is higher than before. But, he is the one who always get into trouble with Ibu and Ayah. Mostly Ibu. I blame this on unmitigated exuberance and fondness for the fun of life.

I am now fascinated to see Faim growing up. When I started writing this blog, he was still a clot of flesh in Ibu’s tummy. Ibu named him Faim because she wanted a son who is wise and fun at the same time. And, thus far Faim didn’t disappoint. He is showing flashes of Abang’s brilliance when small as well as Adik’s non-ending quest for fun and adventure. Hence, I see him sleeping with Adik in a warm makeshift tent in the bedroom despite the two soft beds. Reasons, the bed gets colder later in the night while his tent would remain warm until morning. Besides, he can have all his soft toys in the tent which would further warm him. At times, I could wake up in the middle of the night and join him there.

I am rambling. I know. That’s what happened to parents when they start to display more white lines on their heads at the time their children are growing taller than they are. I know. What’s the point in all this? Well six years to me is a very long time. I am grateful to be able to put my thoughts here though now they are becoming extremely rare and occasional. I consider myself lucky. But, luck also is not infinite.

I am thinking.

Managing Liquidity

Ibu tertawa terbahak-bahak. Aku pon kehairanan lalu bertanya apa yang sangat menggelikan hati Ibu itu.

'Ayah go down and ask Faim, yourself', jawab Ibu sambil cuba menahan gelak.

Aku pon turun mencari Faim. Dia sedang makan aiskrim sendirian sambil menonton TV di dalam bilik yang gelap.

'Faim, are you OK?', tanya aku.

'Fine', jawab Faim selamba.

'May I ask why the room is dark?', tanya aku lagi.

'Because I am eating my ice-cream and I don't want the lamp to melt my ice cream like the sun', jawab Faim berterus-terang.

Aku angguk dan naik atas mencari Ibu. Jumpa sahaja Ibu, kami berdua tertawa terbahak-bahak.

Abang the Teenager

I never knew this. Nobody told me about it. I never read about it anywhere. And I definitely never experienced it.

When Abang was small, as a toddler growing up, he was learning to know his surrounding at an astonishing rate. He learned all words there is to know. Rattled of names of things in the house, body parts, actions involving those body parts as well as the sound coming out of those same body parts.

At the rate he was going, I was thinking that maybe he could master the whole vocabulary of both Webster and Kamus Dewan combined by the time he entered secondary school. I was worried that by that time he could be bored as there would be no more words for him to learn.

And I was right. Nearly. Well, my timing was off by a couple of years, but I think that was what is happening now. I believe that his brain's CPU is already saturated that he can't absorb anymore. And he no longer wants to use all those vocabularies anymore as if he had grown tired of all of them. Now, his vocabularies are limited to a few choice word or phrases, as if he was reading from the common phrase book issued by a tour agency.

I believe the example below would demonstrate the situation clearly. Please bear in mind that this would happen every 9 out of 10 conversations I have with him :

'Oh, hi Bang. Back from school?'

'Yes'

'So how was school today?'

'OK'

'You look tired. Any homework?'

'A bit'

'Are you hungry. Do you want to eat?'

'I guess'

'After this I am going to Oakridge. Do you want to go with me?'

'Maybe'

And, that was it. On a good day, that would be very talkative by his standard. Maybe, there's a rule somewhere about teenager that I don't know yet. Maybe there is a Teenager Union that limits daily conversation by their teen members. Maybe 500 words per day and he has used up 490 of those words at school with his friends.

I sure am confused.

Finding a Just Cause

Semalam Abang bertanya kepada aku pasal isu Arab-Palestin. Katanya sebahagian dari subjek sosial sains sekolah dia. Maka dengan pengetahuan sedikit aku tentang isu tersebut, aku cuba huraikan sejarah penubuhan Israel, tentangan Arab-Palestin atas penubuhannya, peperangan Arab-Israel dan perjamjian damai Mesir-Israel yang penghujungnya mengambil nyawa Anwar Sadat. Aku juga bercerita tentang penindasan kerajaan Israel terhadap penduduk Palestin yang miskin serta sokongan tidak berbelah bagi kepada Israel oleh Amerika Syarikat samada dalam bentuk kewangan dan persenjataan ataupun moral di badan-badan antarabangsa. Aku juga menceritakan kekejaman tentera-tentera Israel terhadap rakyat Palestin termasuklah yang terjadi di Shabra dan Shatila.

Abang mengangguk-angguk sambil sesekali bertanya. Dia juga bertanya samada kepimpinan baru Amerika Syarikat dapat mengubah keadaan. Aku hanya menjawab bahawa aku hanya dapat berdoa dan berharap kerana dia mungkin akan mendapati banyak rintangan. Kata aku, sekarang ini sahaja, dia belum dapat menumpukan sepenuhnya kepada isu tersebut atas kemunculan banyak isu domestik yang mendadak.

Abang mengangguk dan berlalu pergi. Jangkaan aku, dia pergi mencari lebih banyak maklumat dari yang aku berikan. Memang aku suka dia begitu. Aku ingin berikan asasnya, dan dia melalui pemikiran yang dia ada patut mengambil lebih banyak ilmu dari bacaan dan pergaulan dan seterusnya membuat penilaian dan merumus pendirian sendiri kepada isu-isu yang menarik perhatiannya. Sudah tentulah, latar belakang dan asal-usul akan memberi sedikit kecondongan kepada pendirian akhir dalam sesuatu isu.

Aku juga suka mengingatkan Abang supaya melihat sesuatu perkara dari pelbagai aspek sebelum membuat keputusan hitam putih terutamanya apabila kita ingin memberi sokongan atau menentang sesuatu perkara. Satu hari tu, Abang beritahu aku bahawa dia sudah menyertai satu persatuan di sekolah yang seolah berbunyi 'Merdekakan Korea Utara'. Aku tanya dia, siapa pula yang dah menjajah Korea Utara. Kata dia ada diktator di sana dan kerajaan mereka jahat dan seksa rakyat mereka hingga kebuluran. Aku katakan kepada Abang bahawa memang rakyat Korea Utara dalam kesusahan dan sukar mendapat bekalan makanan. Pada aku ini lebih kerana negara nya miskin dan sentiasa dilanda musibah serta pengurusan ekonomi yang kurang baik. Aku bertanya samada Abang atau ahli persatuan tersebut pernah melawat Korea Utara? Aku cerita pengalaman singkat aku di sana kepada Abang yang diam mendengar. Aku tanya samada Abang ingin merdekakan Korea Utara seperti mana usaha dibuat untuk merdekakan Iraq. Abang diam mengganguk.

Aku kata kepada Abang bahawa setiap isu seperti ini Abang perlu mengkajinya sendiri tanpa tergopoh-gapah mempercayai apa sahaja yang disampaikan oleh orang lain. Kadang pihak yang bercerita ada kepentingan tersendiri. Aku minta Abang lebih berhati-hati dan jangan keterlaluan dalam memegang sesuatu pendapat.

Dua bulan lepas, aku dapati beberapa poster angkasa lepas dan video game di dinding bilik Abang telah hilang dan digantikan dengan poster-poster kumpulan pop anak gadis dari Asia Timur. Aku merasa Abang sudah mula dilanda dunia remaja. Semalam aku juga merasa dia juga ada melangkah sedikit lebih jauh lagi.

Faim's Birthday

'When will you arrive, Ayah', tanya Faim dalam telefon.
'Maybe in 30 minutes, Faim. I just got out of the ferry', aku menjawab.

Faim tidak sabar. Hari ini ulangtahun Hari Lahir dia. Yang ke 5. Kami dah beritahu akan ada majlis potong kek yang kecil dan penyampaian hadiah. Kami akan buat lintas-langsung dengan Nenek dan Atuk menggunakan Skype, macam biasa.

Sampai aja di rumah, aku pon terus ke meja makan di dapur. Ibu sudah susun kek dan piring-piring kecil. Atas kek ada gambar Super Mario. Faim suka main Super Mario dalam Nintendo, malah dia sangat mahir berbanding orang dewasa lain di rumah(aku le tu). Atas kek juga ada nama Faim dan Zaim. Birthday Abang awal bulan hari tu. Kami cuma bawa dia makan briyani ayam sekeluarga. Kali ini, kami adakan majlis potong kek bersama. Aku minta Faim dan Abang membuat 'wish' sebelum meniup lilin. Bila aku tanya Faim apa yang di 'wish' kan, dia cuma berkata RAHSIA. ' It's a secret Ayah ', katanya.

Kemudian dengan Nenek dan Atuk sekali melihat melalui Skype, Faim membuka hadiah hari lahirnya. Hanya dua sahaja. Satu dari kami sekeluarga, dan satu lagi dari Atuk dan Nenek. Seminggu dahulu, kami bawa Faim merayau dalam Toy r Us, dan melihat-lihat mainan kesukaannya. Kemudian, waktu aku membawa dia ke luar kedai, Ibu diam-diam membelikan dua mainan tersebut dan simpan dalam but kereta. Terlonjak-lonjak Faim apabila dia membuka dan mendapati bahawa itulah benda-benda yang memang dia inginkan. Terus dia mengajak Abang Cik main bersama sambil makan kek.

Aku kemudian naik ke atas, mandi, salin pakaian, solat dan buka beg kerja. Malam aku lihat Faim dan Naim sudah tidor. Ibu kata sebelum Faim tidor, dia ada bisik ke telinga Ibu.
'Ibu, today I am very happy', katanya.

Aku pon senyum mendengarnya. Aku pandang wajah Faim yang sedang tidor. Memang dia seolah sedang tersenyum sama.

Sudah 5 tahun Faim menjadi 'baby' kepada kami sekeluarga. Dialah penghibur kami, aku, Ibu, Acik, Abang, Atuk dan Nenek, malah Kakak jua. Tapi, Faim paling rapat dan akrab dengan Acik(Adik atau Naim). Dialah rakan bermain dan rakan bergaduh. Yang menyukakan dia dan yang membuat dia naik angin dan menjerit-jerit. Walaupun usia mereka jauh 6 tahun selangnya, namun mereka seolah rakan sebaya. Abang sekarang jarang meluang masa untuk Faim . Dia lebih bertumpu kepada komputer, sekolah dan kawan-kawan sebaya yang semakin ramai. Tapi aku faham, Abang sedang membesar di dunia yang berbeza pergaulannya.

Sekarang Faim sudah ke sekolah. Tadika. Dia tidak mengalami masalah menyesuaikan diri sebab sebelum ini pon kami sudah menghantar Faim ke sekolah asuhan semenjak dia berusia 3 tahun. Walaupun dia boleh bertutur dengan baik, namun Faim kurang banyak bercakap di sekolah berbanding dengan kalau di rumah. Kalau di suruh beratur, dia akan pergi ke depan sekali dan berdiri diam. Kalau di suruh duduk di lantai menghadap kepada cikgu, dia juga akan dengan perlahan dan diam, bersila di barisan paling depan dan dekat dengan guru dan memandang muka guru dengan penuh perhatian. Di padang permainan, Faim akan memilih bermain gelongsor atau jungkang jungkit yang lengang dari anak-anak lain. Kalau ada yang menghampiri mainan tersebut, dia akan perlahan mengundur diri dan tunggu hingga anak lain selesai baru dia bermain semula.

Aku tak merasa yang Faim ini pemalu atau takut. Aku melihat lebih kepada aspek menghormati aturan dan ketertiban. Ini sangat berbeza sekali dengan Adik/Acik yang lebih unggul dalam keadaan berselerakan. Faim akan merungut kalau segala aturannya terganggu, bukunya, bantal, selimut dan mainan yang disusun. Sebagai contoh, sebelum tidur, Faim ada ritualnya iaitu minum susu coklat( guna cawan bukan botol), berus gigi dan buang air. Kemudian dia akan menonton TV di bilik selama lebih kurang 20-30 minit dan selanjutnya baring menutup mata selepas menutup TV. Naim berbeza sekali, selesai memberus gigi, dia akan terbungkus dengan selimut dan terus tidur, tanpa banyak masalah.

Aku faham Faim masih anak kecil. Dan mungkin akan ada perubahan karektor dan peribadi apabila dia mula membesar kelak. Namun, setakat ini, aku suka apa yang aku lihat. Aku sanggup bangun di tengah malam untuk melihat betapa rapinya Faim tidur sambil aku tersenyum di dalam gelap.

Honor and Responsibility

Fifteen years ago in a largely unceremonious event sans protocol, I was conferred an important title. Deeply honoured, I accepted the title without really putting much thought of what awaits and how my life would change from that particular day onwards.

I was told that others before me were also entrusted with the same title and responsibility. To say that I didn’t deserve it, would be unkind to the graces of Allah. To say that I refused it, would be the most wrong thing to do. So, I accepted it, with my whole heart, body and soul. My humble person said that I could just go on doing what other people granted with the same privileges were doing.

About ten years ago, my struggle continued. Though I remained holding fast to that single honourable title, the responsibilities and expectation that came with it had increased, nearly doubled. I managed but occasionally, certain lapses did occur. This was especially true when I was faced with other demands from my new life, commanding more of my energy from pitiful soul. And all these trials and tribulations, tripled 5 years ago, and I started to question whether the title was eating me alive. Was it a curse to me as retribution for how I have treated those titled individuals before me.

But, I never despair. Never, never once I thought about giving up. Never ever have I expressed my regret. All I ever did when the chips were down, was to beg upon Him, to give me more strength to persevere. To never waver to those responsibilities and duties that started 15 years ago. Yes, at times the odds seemed insurmountable. That even with the combined superhuman strength of all earthly heroes, I felt like I can’t avoid feeling overwhelmed. But, good sense prevailed and I soldiered on.

15 years ago, at Chowdhury Maternity Hospital, I was conferred that title. Today, 15 years later, I am still standing. Maybe a little gaunt with broken parts and bruises here and there. My mission remains the same eventhough the challenges have evolved.

But, I will continue. For the sake of humanity. At the risk of my own sanity.

Happy Birthday, Abang.
God Help Me!

Truth and Reconcialition

Faim datang terhegeh-hegeh kepada Ibu. Nampak macam gelisah. Sampai ke Ibu, dia terus melapor sesuatu. ' Ibu.. Ibu, I did something. I am scared Ibu' , katanya sambil merangkul Ibu. Aku pon mengalih pandangan dari Robert Langdon dan mendengarkan perbualannya.

'I broke Acik's wall and I am scared. Acik will scold me', dia memaklum ke Ibu lagi. Nampak sangat dia merasa bersalah. Dan nampak sangat dia takut. Ibu bercakap dengan tenang. 'Is it the wall Acik made from his LEGO?'. Faim mengganguk. 'It's Ok. We'll explain to Acik you accidently did it, OK?'.

Ibu memujuk. Faim mengeleng-ngeleng kepalanya. DIa terus berlari masuk ke bilik dan menutup pintu. Aku pandang ke Ibu. 'Ala Acik tu left his toys on the floor so maybe Faim terlanggar la tu'. Ibu menjelas kepada aku.

'Tapi budak ni takut sangat. Cuba kalau dia tak sengaja buat sesuatu dan takut dan lari entah ke mana. Susah jugak', sahut aku. Ibu mengganguk. 'I will talk to Acik', katanya sambil berjalan keluar dari bilik mencari Naim.

Aku pun bangun dan cuba membuka pintu bilik tidor Faim. Aku dapati pintu tertutup rapat seolah Faim menahan dengan badannya. Aku pun turun melihat apa yang terjadi kepada LEGO tersebut.

Pada aku sikit aja. Aku pun duduk berdekatan 'wall' yang rosak. Sekejap kemudian, Naim masuk dan melihat LEGOnya. Dia cuma mengganguk sikit.

Aku bertanya, 'Ibu talked to you Dik?'Adik mengganguk.
'Then, you better talk to Faim because I think he is really scared. I don't want him to be like that and hide from small mistakes like this', aku menerangkan.

Adik terus naik dan aku dengar sayup-sayup suara dia bercakap dengan Faim, memujuk-mujuk. Sekejap kemudian Adik turun balik ke bilik dan berpura-pura mengeluh. 'Oh.. look Faim, it's Ayah who did it '. Faim mengintai-ngintai dari pintu bilik.

'Oh Sorry Dik, I will repair it back', kata aku berlakon sama.
Adik terus berdialog, 'See, there's nothing to worry about'.

Faim pon terus masuk dan duduk sebelah Adik. Bila aku nampak Faim dah selesa sikit aku pon terangkan kepada Faim yang sebenarnya kami tau dia yang buat. Tapi dia tak perlu takut kalau dia buat sesuatu kesilapan yang tak sengaja dan mesti berani mengaku kesilapan dan membetulkannya. Dan aku maklumkan kepada Adik, bahawa dalam hubungan adik-beradik, kita perlu bertolak-ansur dan sentiasa bersedia untuk sesama memaafkan kalau berlaku sedikit perselisihan.

Adik dan Faim mengganguk sama. Sekejap kemudian waktu berbuka, Adik berkongsi makan bubur ayam dengan Faim dalam satu pinggan yang sama.
Amazing.

Adik and Me

Aku teringat kejadian sebelum aku balik bercuti dulu. Waktu itu aku sedang duduk mendengar Iman Rachid memberikan khutbah sambil sesekali menjeling ke Adik yang aku yakin sedang menerawang pemikirannya entah ke mana.

Tiba-tiba Adik menghulur kedua-dua tangan dan mencapai cermin mata aku yang sedang aku pakai. Dia ambil dan usap-usap dan gosok di sana dan di sini. Lepas berbuat semua itu, dia pasangkan balik ke mata. Aku pon hairan tetapi aku tunggu sehingga selesai solat Jumaat sebelum aku bertanya.

‘Adik, why did you take my glasses just now?’, tanya aku kepada Adik sambil berjalan ke kereta.

‘ I wanted to clean it’, jawab Adik selamba.

‘ Oh!, Was it dirty?’, dengan hairan aku bertanya lagi.

‘ Yea, it was. Just a little bit’, jawab Adik.

Aku pelik. Setau aku takda la kotor sebab aku selalu lap cermin mata aku. Sebab kalau kotor atau berminyak sedikit, pandangan aku akan terus jadi kelabu. Yang lebih menghairankan aku ialah Adik tergerak hati untuk membersih cermin mata aku. Adik yang ku kenal selama ni jarang mengambil berat mengenai kekemasan atau perapian sesuatu benda. Baju kotornya sentiasa berterabur dan meja tulisnya selalu berselerak. Mungkin ada perkembangan baru. Mungkin ada kaitan dengan nasihat gurunya semalam kepada dia di depan aku. Tak apa la. Satu perkembangan baik jangan kita pelikkan sangat pulak.

‘Thank you, Dik. I can see very clearly, now. Thanks to you’, aku berterima kasih kepada Adik.

Art of Noise

'Well, what do you listen to Ayah?', tanya Abang kepada aku.

Aku terfikir sejenak sebelum menjawab,' Search, Wings, Lefthanded... '
'Foreign bands Ayah, not locals', Abang terus memotong cakap aku. Semakin keraps ekarang dia memotong cakap bila aku kelihatan seperti nak melalut. Memang pon aku mula nak nostalgia terkenang zaman kegemilangan musik rock di Malaysia.

'Well, their names seem to suggest as if they are foreign talents. But, seriously, I listen to Guns n Roses, Warrant, Def Leppard, Cinderella, Tesla...' aku menyebut satu persatu sebelum lagi dipotong oleh Abang.

'Ok, OK I know. Do you know Iron Maiden?', tanya Abang.
'Oh yes, but that's heavy metal bands.. the head bangers. Just like Metallica, Deep Purple, ACDC and the likes la. I am not into them so much, maybe Metallica's One and Iron Maiden's Rime of the Ancient Mariner aja', jawab aku selamba.

Semalam aku dengan Abang, Adik dan Baby Faim sempat singgah Video EZY di KLCC. Sambil aku membelek DVD filem Melayu terbaru untuk dibeli dan dibawa balik, Abang datang membawa satu CD Black Sabbath Greatest Hits. Dalam aku menimbang sukat mengira menolak, akhirnya aku belikan jugak dengan ingatan, ' It's coming out of your allowance'.

Abang hanya diam mengganguk tetapi aku nampak sedikit senyuman.

Honor the Fallen

Who's Missing Who?

'How long Ayah?', tanya Adik dengan menunjuk muka yang sedih.
'Maybe two weeks', jawab aku sambil menyusun kertas kerja yang bertimbun.
'So long', jawab Faim pula.
'Not long la.. you will only feel it so long if you are naughty', aku mengusik Faim.

'Are you looking forward, Ayah...', tanya Naim.
'Yes, I am looking forward to having roti canai and teh tarik with Atuk', kata aku.
'Oh I was asking whether you will be looking forward to come back and see us here', jawab Adik.

'Of course I am. Even before I leave. I will miss all of you', kata aku.
'I am not sure whether all of you would miss me', tambah aku lagi.
'Off course we will miss you', jawab Adik dan Faim serentak.

Aku pandang ke Ibu. Ibu hanya diam menyusun baju ke dalam beg.

Intermission

'Waktu bersolat sudah hampir, waktu bersolat sudah hampir', nyaring suara Abang memaklumkan.
Sebaik Abang selesai, aku pun memanjat doa dan bersiap untuk memimpin. Mencuba khusyuk.

Tiba-tiba .....

'Ayah! Wait! Ayah! Wait!', suara Faim memanggil dari belakang.
Aku terhenti dan menoleh kebelakang. Faim terloncat-loncat seperti memijak lantai kepanasan sambil tangannya memegang celah kelengkang.
'Ala.. cepat la.. now... now!', kata aku memahami kehendak Faim

Faim terus berlari ke bilik air tanpa menunggu.
Adik tersengeh memandang aku.

Hmmmm ....

Games People Play

'Ayah, what kind of games do you play when you were small?', tanya Adik sebelum tidor. Beberapa hari kebelakangan ini, aku kurang senang hati jadi aku ajak Adik tidur menemani aku pula. Ibu aku minta tidur dengan Baby Faim di bilik mereka.

'I played a lot of games a lot Dik. I played Sembunyi Ibu, RamRim, Polis Sentri, Belon Acar, TingTing, Ceper, main kombat, layang-layang katak, roket and bola lubang', jawab aku mengingat satu persatu. Aku rasa Adik tak tahu pon separuh dari permainan aku sebut tadi.

'Oh, I thought you said you played soccer and badminton?', jawab Adik.

'That was when I got bigger. When I was small, I played those things. And I also played with the pelepah kelapa. We get old coconut frond, sat on it and slided down the hill near our house. That was fun', aku cerita lagi.

'Oh like in your Lat book?' tanya Adik.

'Yes, but in Lat's book, the friends had to pull the coconut frond around the kampung. In my case, we each get one frond and race downhill with them'.

'How do you play combat? Do you have toy gun like Faim's Stormtrooper Blaster?', tanya Adik lagi ingin tahu, walaupun aku nampak mata dia dah semakin layu nak tidor.

'Well, when I was small, there was a famous TV series called COMBAT, starring Vic Morrow and Rick Jason. We made our own weapons. We draw the shape of a rifle on a piece of flat wood. Then we asked our older friends to saw it into shape. We tie a string from one end to the other and we have our rifle', aku terangkan pada Adik.

'How do you make the shooting sound. You have to put the batteries somewhere?', tanya Adik lagi.

'Nope, no need for all that. We use our own mouth. Prttttttttttt - for machine gun and peng peng for single shot rifle. The people using machine gun will get tired first(or their mouth in this case) or meaning they would be out of ammo. Just like in real combat situation.

Since we like Combat so much, so we played seek and destroy just like the TV series. One team would have to go and hide. And another would go and look for them. We took turn. We had to perfect our ambush skills. Oh we hid and concealed ourselves in all funny funny places. Chicken coop, up on a tree, inside big drains, neighbour's toilet, old cars, garbage can, all sort of places. Oh when we got shot, we also sounded like a Geman soldier.. aieee!!... like that! Those time we were very gentlemen, if you got shot you gotta accept it and move out and wait in open areas. 

So we really had real fun. We don't need all these Nintendo, XBOX or Playstation. They are so virtual. So fake'. 

Aku menoleh ke Adik. Dah tidor dah rupanya dia. Mata dia terpejam. Mungkin dia tengah mimpi jadi Vic Morrow. Aku lebih suka Kirby si Bibir Tebal dengan senapang besar.

Lifted from Kampong Boy's Yesterday and Today by LAT

Blessed Eleven Times

'Yes, I believe that the more challenges you face in life, the better person you will eventually be, InsyaAllah ', aku beritahu Adik. And God knows how many Adik has had to face in his young eleven years life thus far. I feel that God really loves him so much that He keeps on throwing tough things to Adik.

'But Ayah, I am just a kid. I want to have fun', Adik mencelah. Dia masih lagi memasang-masang LEGO Bionicle di tangan sambil memerhati sesekali memerhati Kertas Panduan.

'Yes you are. Yet someday you will grow up and have to tackle all growing up stuff. I just want you to be ready', aku tambah lagi. Aku tak faham ketaksuban dia dengan LEGO Bionicle.Tapi aku kagum dengan kebolehan dia mencantum semua bahagian-bahagian bendalah tu sampai menjadi robot. Dan, sangat telitinya dia sampai dia boleh mengenal mana-mana bahagian yang bercampur aduk di dalam bekas yang menyimpan beberapa ratus kepingan kecil-kecil.

Dan dengan segala nasihat cikgu dan doktor, aku dan Ibu terus mengikuti perkembangan Adik dengan sebaik yang boleh, termasuk lah setiap cabaran fizikal dan emosi dia. Adik tetap Adik. Semua ini dia hadapi tanpa sedikit mengeluh masalah yang dihidapinya.

Aku tepuk kepala Adik dan bangun sambil berkata, ‘Happy Birthday, OK Dik. Sorry, this year we don’t organize a party at home for you. But, we love you just the same and pray for your well being.’

‘OK, Ayah’, Adik menjawab tanpa mengalih sedikit pon dari tugas di tangan.

One of Many

It is never easy raising a child. You can never be sure. But, whatever parents do, are always for the sake of the children. My parents told me that. My Grandparents, uncles and aunties. And teachers too. And those older people that matter that touched your life as you are growing up. Those times, when you hear those words, maybe it was a response to your questions, your moments and most likely your actions.

And you listen to those words. You take heed. Though you don't really understand it that time, but you pay attention. Because these words, I was certain must have been repeated through generations. It would have come down from time of before. And I will repeat these same words to my children. Always. So that they would understand. That, it is really not an easy task trying to raise children. But, it is always fun and always worth the effort you put in.

'So, please understand. That we don't do things to stifle your freedom or your enjoyment. We do it with your benefit in mind. You have to trust us on that', aku beritahu Abang sambil memandang tepat ke muka Abang. Abang tidak memandang aku tetapi menumpu mata kepada layar TV. Tangannya masih memegang controller dan sedikit-sedikit menekan butang-butangnya. Tapi dengan lebih perlahan.

'You just think about that', aku menambah dan naik ke atas.

20 minit kemudian baru aku mendengar Abang naik ke atas untuk tidor.

The Zen of Bicycle Repair

Minggu lepas aku bawak Abang bergunting rambut. Aku tak berapa ingat, bila terakhir aku bawa Abang bergunting, mungkin masa dia kecil. Selalunya rambut Abang akan digunting oleh Nenek atau Ibu yang membawa ke kedai Sasi si Tukang Rambut di Cheras tu.

Aku bagitau tukang gunting yang aku mahu rambut Abang sedikit pendek, potong sebelah depan dan tepi di aras telinga. Kemudian aku duduk menunggu sambil pikiran aku mula melayang. Aku tak berapa cerewet kalau anak aku berambut panjang tetapi hendaklah kemas dan bersih. Malah, semasa di kolej pon aku meyimpan rambut antara terpanjang dahulu dan selalunya markah demerit disiplin yang aku dapat di KPP ialah sebab rambut panjang dan bukan atas sebab benda tak senonoh lain. Dan, Bak selalu marah bila aku cerita pasal ini masa cuti.

Sambil memerhati rambut Abang di potong, fikiran aku mengelamun terus. Bak memang tak suka kalau anak-anak dia berambut panjang. Dia amat senang sekali kalau rambut aku dengan Abang aku dipotong pendek serupa rambut rekrut tentera. Dulu, Tukang gunting akan datang ke rumah untuk menggunting rambut kami iaitu aku, Abang aku dan Bak sekali. Kemudian aku rasa, dia dah tak larat.

Aku selalu teringat satu insiden di mana Bak bawak aku dengan basikal ke Batu Lima untuk berbelanja bulan dan menggunting rambut aku yang sudah panjang. Basikal Bak besar dan aku membonceng di belakang. Sedang kami menuruni bukit yang tinggi, tiba-tiba Bak suruh pegang kuat sebab dua-dua brek basikal dah tak jalan. Aku yang berselipar, cuba untuk membantu memperlahankan basikal dengan menyentuh hujung selipar jepun aku ke jalan raya. Cemas juga aku dengan Bak, tapi akhirnya kami selamat juga sampai ke Batu Lima.

Di pekan, Bak pergi menguruskan belanja bulan selepas Bak beritahu tukang gunting memotong pendek rambut aku. Sedang rambut aku digunting, aku perhati selipar aku dua-duanya dah tinggal dua pertiga. Hujungnya hilang semasa aku membrek sepanjang jalan tadi. Selesai gunting rambut, aku teman Bak minum teh di restoren cina. Aku tunjuk pada Bak nasib selipar aku sambil aku ketawa. Bak berkerut dan mengajak ke kedai cina lagi satu cadangnya untuk mengganti selipar yang baru. Selepas bertanya harga selipar dan membelek duit di tangan, muka Bak makin tambah berkerut.

Aku segera faham. Aku tarik tangan Bak ke kedai basikal. Aku minta dia ganti brek basikal dulu. Sebab, Bak pergi kerja naik basikal. Kalau dapat baiki basikal tu, Bak boleh la pergi kerja tanpa perlu jalan kaki. Melihat aku sungguh-sungguh mahu dia baiki basikal, bak bagi 20 sen kepada aku. Dia suruh aku balik naik teksi sapu. Dia akan kayuh balik sendiri lepas basikal selesai dibaiki. Di rumah, bila Bak dah sampai, aku periksa basikal Bak dan dapati brek belakang sahaja yang digantikan. Aku hanya berdiam.

Tiba-tiba Abang dah mula tercegat di depan muka aku. ' Ayah, I'm done. Eh, don't tell me you are thingking about your bike incident with Tok Bak again', kata Abang memandang muka aku.
' No la. Let's go. Ibu is waiting in the car ', kata aku berjalan sambil mengesat mata dengan belakang tangan aku. Sebenarnya aku memang selalu terkenang.