BEING A DAD

Aku susah nak tido malam tadi. Mungkin sebab aku dah lena sekejap petang tadi. Terkebil-kebil aku seorang diri tengok Parkinson, entah apa hujung pangkalnya. Lain semua dah naik tidor. Aku jangka begitu la.

Tiba-tiba :

'Ayah, I cannot sleep. Please help me, Ayah!', Adik telah muncul di sebelah aku sambil mengosok-gosok mata dia.
Aku pandang ke Adik.' Why can't you sleep Adik? Are you scared? Isn't Abang there with you?, aku bertanya sambil menguap.
'Abang is already asleep. I don't know why I can not sleep. I always thinking,' jawab Adik sambil meleseh sebelah aku.
'Come, let me take you up and help you sleep', kata aku sambil bangun menutup TV dan memimpin Adik ke bilik.

Aku baring sebelah Adik sambil menepuk badan dia supaya dia dapat tidur. Sesekali aku menguap. Adik berpaling ke aku dan bertanya, ' Cant' you sleep too, Ayah? Were you thinking too', tanya Adik kepada aku.

'Yup, usually when I can't sleep I have a lot of things on my mind', jawap aku.
'Like what?' tanya Adik.
'Umm... like er whether my children are asleep or not', aku ngusik Adik.
'He he he', Adik ketawa kecil.

Aku tambah lagi, ' Well, Adik, being a Dad is not easy. There's so many things that I have to think about. I have to think about you, Baby Faim and Abang. I also have to think about Ibu and Atok and Nenek and also Tok Bak in Johor. I think about your school, about my work and about many other things. You know, since the day you were born, we have not stopped thinking about you. And Abang and Baby Faim too. That is what we do, mom and me ... ' panjang aku celoteh.

Entah berapa lama aku membebel, sedar-sedar aku bercakap sendiri sebab Adik dah tak menjawap. Aku berenti mengusap badan Adik dan menjengok ke Abang yang sedang lena di katil sebelah. Handphone sebelah Abang hampir nak jatuh di birai katil. Abang guna alarm clock handphone untuk bangunkan diri pada waktu Subuh. Aku bangun ambil handphone dan letak di meja tepi.

Aku baring sebelah Adik semula. Letak lengan di dahi dan cuba untuk tidur. Tapi aku hanya mampu berfikir kembali sambil mata aku terkebil-kebil dalam kegelapan malam.